Fair play to them, at that advanced age and with that much money in the bank, we’d probably drop all formalities and try to bash any former rival who looked sideways at us too.

The Daily Telegraph – a NewsCorp publication – has secured the exclusive photos of a mystifyingly bizarre scene involving exorbitantly wealthy humans John Singleton and Jack Cowin that took place at Wolloomoolloo’s exclusive Kingslsey’s Steak and Crabhouse yesterday afternoon.

Singleton – the 73 year old radio, advertising and racing entrepreneur – appears to have attacked Cowin – 72, founder of Hungry Jack’s, and Fairfax Media board member – with a broken wine glass, lashing out over a snide remark at Singo’s choice of drink.

The alleged incident, captured in photos sold exclusively to the Tele, shows Singleton rearing up at Cowin with the stem of a wine glass clearly visible. Restaurant staff had to physically restrain Singleton.

The table – which included former Noiseworks and INXS frontman Jon Stevens – was in the middle of a long lunch. It goes without saying that booze was in plentiful supply. At one point, Cowin is alleged to have quipped at Singleton’s decision to drink rosé instead of beer, which Singo took umbrage with because blokes and how dare you and you fuckin’ what and etc.

The whole thing got even weirder when Singleton and Stevens left the restaurant, with cameramen confronting the pair, which lead Singleton to go on an utterly bloody bizarre tirade which includes musing on sex changes and penis detachment. Lord, how we wish we were making this up.

The revelry of the afternoon continued, with Singleton taking his piggish foul mouth and inebriated swagger on to the Bells Hotel to continue imbibing in drink as one is wont to do at 3pm on a Monday.

Moving to write the whole exercise off as “a total joke” today, Singleton allegedly texted friend and former NRL great Matthew Johns, who read the message out on the Triple M Grill Team earlier this morning.

“Total joke. Trying to lighten up the world. Back jacking this one. A joke gone wrong, gone public, we’ve both been suspended for 9 weeks.

Life very unfair. My facebook and twitter both been blocked.

Might not play again, could be suspended for life.”

Johns also claimed the rambling text said “other stuff” that he couldn’t work out, but it definitely contained no apology, stating “He’s not very good with the text.”

Cowin himself wrote the incident off as a non-event shortly afterwards.

“[It was] a long lunch, you know how these things go. We were just like bear cubs playing around in a cage.”

As for Singleton, he employed the rarely used “start speaking in the third person” tactic when defending his actions.

“Billionaire attacks homeless bloke. Singleton’s new lapse in class was not appreciated by Cowin, the world’s newest billionaire, so he actually whacked Singleton over the head with the chair. Cowin then realised his mate was unappreciative of his reaction and hit him over the head with another bottle. Despite this, Singleton grabbed the next glass from the floor and slashed Cowin’s ear. The two then settled down to another eight bottles of wine and 20 beers each.”

If you can figure any of this out beyond “what a pair of stupid old dickheads” then you’re certainly doing better than us.

Photo via 9 News Twitter.

via Daily Telegraph.