Just Gonna Say It: ‘Batman Forever’ Is The Greatest Film In The Batman Franchise

I can already feel the incensed rage emanating out of “true” “die-hard” “real” Batman fans right now, and you know what? I don’t care! I don’t care if I’m writing out blasphemous words here – the fact is, it cannot be denied. Batman Forever is the superior film in the Batman franchise.

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First I would like to point out you are literally worshipping at the throne of a superhero called BATMAN. That is the most unoriginal name bullshit I have ever heard of. It’s not even scary. Bats are like, 2/10 scary you guys. So I don’t see why you have to get your panties in a bunch over this. I can tell you think this is an irrelevant point but it’s not. Because the reason you all think Forever is the shittiest of all the Batman flicks is because you think it’s too campy and silly. But your superhero is already silly? So.

Forever is the third instalment in the franchise, starring Val Kilmer, Hottie Mchotterson of my childhood dreams, as Batman. His love interest is none other than OUR Nicole Kidman.

Really, the film is all about the villains. Forever has Tommy Lee Jones as Two-Face, a cartoonish guy who lives in some weird compound that features one “good” sumptuous suite, and one “bad” sumptuous suite.

It’s total house goals even though it’s completely not, because it’s basically inside a garbage tip. Like cool Harvey, you’ve got two whole interior design styles in one house but also your house is a trash can, so.

Two Face has two girlfriends – a “good” one played by DREW FKN BARRYMORE, and a “bad” one played by DEBI FKN MAZAR. I could not have dreamed up more perfect casting for these women. Anyone else remember when Debi played the best villain of all time? Regina the PUPPY MURDERER AND THEN THIEF???? With the absolutely perfect fashion sense?

fkn queen (except pls don’t kill puppies)

Anyway that was an aside. They’re brilliant, and the scene where The Riddler goes to visit Two-Face, featuring Drew and Debi lighting cigs on each side of Harvey’s mouth is all time.

Lets move on – to the other villain, the best one. The Riddler, played by Jim Carrey. 

Jim Carrey was in his absolute peak form in this film – I mean no one else could have played The Riddler quite like he did. He’s maniacal and ridiculous and SO FUCKING GOOD.


So The Riddler WAS Edward Nygma, a researcher at Wayne Enterprises who was obsessed with Bruce Wayne (I hope you at least know that is Batman’s real life person). He makes a device that can beam TV into a person’s brain. SEE, this film is also way ahead of it’s time. This is basically Netflix. Bruce rejects it because, well, the device also takes info from people’s brains, so it’s fucking mental manipulation and goddamn evil. Nygma loses it, resigns and begins sending Bruce evil riddles.

THEN, there’s Robin. Yep, this film introduces Batman’s sidekick, and you’d think he’d be lame as fuck but he’s pretty damn cool tbh. Played by the other Hottie McHotterson of my childhood dreams, Chris O’Donnell. He’s introduced as Dick Grayson, youngest member of circus troupe The Flying Graysons. At a circus event Two-Face tries to bomb everyone, but the trapezing family save the day – except they all die in the process except for Dick. Because Brucey is well-versed on the sad orphan situation, he invites Dick to stay at Wayne Manor, and ofc eventually Dick figures out that Bruce is a superhero by night and joins in.

The rest of the film is just everyone running around trying to murder each other – The Riddler and Two-Face team up, steal cash and make a big company called Nygmatech where they produce this giant version of the brain-sucking device and basically start sucking information from everyone’s heads in Gotham.

Obviously Batman eventually saves the day and Two-Face dies, with The Riddler being institutionalised in Arkham Asylum.

See? Great plot, fantastic villains. Now, I do enjoy the Nolan films – obviously, Heath Ledger as The Joker cannot be surpassed. The darkness of those films is also brilliant. But the reason Batman Forever nudges over to the top spot in my opinion is because it’s BLOODY FUN. It’s a good time, you know? Like sorry but let’s all agree the Nolan films are really bleak and depressing, life-sucks-then-you-die vibes. They’re not exactly FunTown Arizona.

I really don’t have much more to say here, aside from go re-watch this masterpiece. Oh, I’ll also add that when I saw it as a kid my dad took me to get Pizza Hut after, but the restaurant kind which was the fucking tits so that might have a lot to do with why I hold this film in such high regard, maybe.