Well, howdy there. The final dates before tomorrow’s finale have come and gone in the blink of an eye, leaving behind a cacophony of feelings – predominantly gushiness and horniness, followed by, well, an underwhelming ending (literally like my average Saturday night, no shade). If you want to dive into our full re-cap – it’s a hate crime if you don’t – head on over to our full dissection of aqua sex below. I’m already wet.
In news that’s surprising to absolutely no one, we have Chelsie’s back to the end. She’s a beautiful angel that deserves protecting at all costs.
If Matt breaks Chelsie’s heart he will have to answer to the entire country #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/TkPJ1ophUk
— Hayley (@thisishayley) September 18, 2019
Dont you dare break her heart Matt! This is the cutest and Chelsie deserves the world!#TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/YQTFj6WHAk
— Megan Harding (@megsyharding) September 18, 2019
Now for humpy time. I fuck with this so much, predominantly because – love them or hate them – they are both so attractive and it really feeds my lonely, horny soul. Before we go any further, I want to reiterate that, if you aren’t a fan of Abbie, there is simply no justifiable excuse to use her sexuality as a tool to denigrate her. We don’t slut shame, friends. It’s 20-fkn-19.
Good ol’ Osh encapsulated it perfectly.
I’ve been doing this job a while now. Tweeting every episode that goes to air. And I am always interested to see how a strong woman powerfully expressing her sexuality makes so many people so uncomfortable. #TheBachelorAU
— Osher Günsberg (@oshergunsberg) September 18, 2019
But real talk, ALSO THIIIIIIIIS…
Ugh I don’t have a problem with heterosexuals but I just don’t like seeing them flaunt their lifestyles like that on a beach! #thebachelorau pic.twitter.com/sIHPrCJPpk
— Noah (@noahyard) September 18, 2019
Alas, the rest of Twitter had some thoughts…
Every date between Matt and Abbie #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/53NfusxhMX
— Jess Epps (@mcgigglebomb) September 18, 2019
https://twitter.com/_remytherat/status/1174263416522977280
And, well, here comes the underwhelming part. In a way, I feel bad for Helena. Like, it’s a pretty tough ask to come after two dates in which the gals both dropped L-bombs – meanwhile you’re just trying to salvage your near-exit from the last episode.
https://twitter.com/teaismyfav/status/1174268094463844352
How do we go from cutesy maths to slippery beach sex to this grossly awkward conversation?!#TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/ALtiejNa2T
— Anthony Farrell (@AnthoBuzzTV) September 18, 2019
https://twitter.com/staybridget/status/1174269913793536001
Helena “I’ve been quite open”
Also Helena#TheBachelorau pic.twitter.com/euAuttUR4b
— Allison (@infiniteallien) September 18, 2019
Part of me’s like, ‘to be honest, she shouldn’t be pressured to express her feelings and she should be able to take as much time as she wants’, and then I realise what show she signed up for.
At the end of all of this #TheBachelorAU pic.twitter.com/W9RfXiPPqz
— Katie (@95_katiewilko) September 18, 2019
TBH, same.
Okay, I have to go now because there’s this really annoying fire alarm going off across the road, probably brought on by the fire in my nether regions. I mean, seriously, where art thou sexy geek boy of my own that I can tongue pash on the private shores of Sydney? Bye queens.
