Well, there it is. Bachelor in Paradise is done and dusted.
It’s the night we discovered who really loved who, and who were the dickheads we always knew them to be.
Did they, as the song foretold, find love in a hopeless place? Let’s break it down couple-by-couple, shall we?
Kiki and Ciarran
Right off the bat, Kiki demolished Ciarran and told him how much of a fuckaround their on-screen relationship had been at the begining.
Ciarran: ‘I don’t take anyone else’s feelings into consideration…’ #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/WpP08YlqWn
— seapunk aesthete 💮 (@artpunkamor) August 9, 2020
Ciarran then went off to talk to ~the boys~ and exposed even more of his trash self.
Exclusive picture of ciarran! #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/Bq8gBsrz7p
— Hannah (@Hannah_LMN) August 9, 2020
Take a shot every time Ciarran says he’s the most honest person in paradise #BachelorInParadiseAU
— Fidelroyolanda Smackonmytiddyboosters III (@Grassfedcow1) August 9, 2020
The luggage Ciarran’s brought with him to paradise #bachelorinparadiseau pic.twitter.com/KgtskQg0Vx
— bethany 🐯 (@bmj_br) August 9, 2020
In the end, the two decided to walk off the show without a ceremony, and cut out the drama, or whatever. Let’s see how that turned out…
https://twitter.com/WSpark98NZ/status/1292400690464096257
So both Timmmm and Ciarran ghosted the women they left with, but they swear they aren’t sexist, misogynistic pieces of shit who view women as property? Man the fuckboi is strong with these two. #BachelorInParadiseAU
— 🌻 Chantelle 🌻 (@Channy_Lou89) August 9, 2020
Maybe Ciarran broke up with Kiki to pursue a relationship with his new haircut #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/Tf3uyXWudu
— anna spargo-ryan (@annaspargoryan) August 9, 2020
Matt and Renee
OK, finally some cute shit, even if that does involve a couple of guys bein’ dudes, by which I mean Matt and his fucken bro code.
https://twitter.com/katiekendalls_/status/1292404403186499585
At least Renee knows how to handle him, apparently.
Renee: I went in chasing a boy and now im leaving with a man
Australia:#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/quRMqpEwxK
— Joe (@joe_joe_7888) August 9, 2020
Osher: What does your future with Matt look like?
Renee: #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/C5OUgiBKTb— Bridget McKernan (@bridget_mck) August 9, 2020
Still waiting for an update, tho, guys.
So chuffed that Matt and Renee lasted about 13 days. Love is magical.#BachelorInParadiseAU
— Kirsty Webeck 🦈 (@KirstyWebeck) August 9, 2020
Mary and Connor
Sorry but can we just take a moment to LOOK at how happy and radiant Mary and Connor are together.
I don’t think I’ll cope if Mary and Connor don’t work. THIS YEAR’S ALREADY BEEN BAD ENOUGH. #BachelorInParadiseAU
— Emily Tammes (@EmilyTammes) August 9, 2020
Can we talk about Mary in that green 😘👌 #BachelorInParadiseAU
— Sophie Kalagas (@skalagas) August 9, 2020
As they spoke to Osher, and then as their ceremony went on, one thing became clear: someone better put a ring on it ASAP.
Mary and Conor are still together they have to be #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/RDYVVvDYrU
— beef strog (@sianvaladian) August 9, 2020
https://twitter.com/indyr0se/status/1292409834206191616
We now know where Mary stands, just saying
Glenn and Alisha
A happy ending. A HAPPY ENDING!
WE MUST PROTECT GLENN AT ALL COSTS#BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/glwkvaeIFo
— Allison (@infiniteallien) August 9, 2020
Everyone, I mean everyone, needs someone who looks at them like Glenn looks at Alisha.
Alisha looks bloody amazing.. I wish I could wear the wallpaper from La’Porchetta and look this bangin… But alas, I could not pull it off. #BachelorInParadiseAU
— Mia Janice (@Chompisaurus) August 9, 2020
If Greg does anything to hurt Alisha once they get back home #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/5hKHAQP3Mx
— Jerome Doraisamy (@JeromeDoraisamy) August 9, 2020
Let’s debrief
After all is said and done, let’s take a moment to appreciate Osher being the real MVP of the season, if parents on the sidelines of a primary school soccer match count as “valuable players”
I love that even after all these years @oshergunsberg still gets so excited and emotional about people finding love. What a gem he is! #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/cUrFEGwKU2
— Helena Dominish (@HelenaDominish) August 9, 2020
@oshergunsberg is like that proud stage mum when thier kid nails it… but like, when couples fall in love ❤️ #BachelorInParadiseAU pic.twitter.com/FRrfRXzcj8
— Sassy M (@sassypantz86) August 9, 2020
Now there’s only one thing to do: stalk everyone’s Instas. Thankfully, P.TV has you covered.
*after each couple does the commitment cermony*
*goes on their Instagram for updates* #BachelorInParadiseAU
— linda⁷ saw twice 🥢 (@admirekook) August 9, 2020
Give yourselves all a nice big rose. Catch you next season/next week.
