Our Loose Predictions About Who Will Do A Fucc With Whomst On ‘Bachelor In Paradise’

Contributor: PEDESTRIAN.TV

Bachelor In Paradise is upon us, mates. Our favourite show of the year is back on July 15th, which means we’ve still got a few weeks to spend squinting at trailers and making wild predictions about who will hook up and who will get married in a televised ceremony at the end (we hope).

We hate waiting for things, so we’re very much on the wild predictions train. Here are the couples we reckon will eventuate, even if just for a cheeky pash. Or more – weren’t there rumours one couple were boning for Australia in the outdoor showers one year?

1. Ciarran & Jessica

Okay, we already saw what looked very much like these two likely playing tonsil hockey on a surfboard or something. Whatever awful, mud-slop activity they were forced to endure.

Even if they bond purely because they both have tatts (lol) we can see it happening. We don’t *think* it’ll last, simply because Ciarran’s already said Australia is gonna hate him after BIP, but we do think it’s him, not Timm, on that surfboard.

2. Timm & Brittany

Again, we were served an entire trailer featuring these two flirting up a storm. We can definitely see an odd-couple thing happening here – while Britt definitely came across as wholesome on The Bachelor, she’s pretty fucking funny on her podcast, Life Uncut. And Timm has always been a jokester.

We can even see it lasting to be honest. Unless Timm goes the same way as Ciarran seems to go and is a grade A fuckboy.

3. Ciarran & Abbie

Again, going off the trailers there clearly seems to be a vibe from Abbie towards Ciarran, and also judging on Ciarran’s interview it sounds like he dates multiple gals.

However, Abbie seems like the kind of woman who doesn’t cop shit from dudes, and we just have this feeling Ciarran wanting to play the field will not go down well with her. Basically we can see these two having the chemistry, but being too chalk/cheese to get beyond a party pash.

4. Jamie and Brittany

Now we’re in pure speculation areas, but we one thouuuuusand percent can see angelic stage 5 clinger Jamie finding love with Chaotic Energy Brittany. Britt seems like she would enjoy Jamie’s quirks and her big personality would be a nice foil to his more reserved demeanour, don’t you reckon?

5. Jamie & Mary

Mary is chaotic energy is the best way, and has a similar vibe personality-wise to Brittney (they’re totally gonna be pals, I can feel it in me waters), so we think she too might gel well with Jamie.

6. Helena &…Timm?

Surely this is as chalk and cheese as you can possibly get, but if Bachelor In Paradise has taught us anything, it’s that no one is as they seemed on their OG Bachie show. Maybe Helena is totally into vague, sexy, long-haired jokesters IRL. We simply don’t know.