BACHELOR DRAMA: Blake & Tara Are Reportedly Dating & Come The Fuck Again?

Okay. Okay. Okay then. Just… let’s just try to remain calm here. There’s a bit to unpack here and there’s a fair few grains of salt that should be taken but sweet baby Jesus apparently Blake from this year’s Bachelor is now secretly dating literal human sunbeam Tara Pavlovic and not a SINGLE THING ABOUT THIS IS ACCEPTABLE.

We all clearly remember Tara from Matty J‘s ho hum season of The Bachelorette: she is a perfect angel who should have public holidays named in her honour. And clearly we’re all very aware of the scoundrel Blake, who remains on the show for the time being despite all empirical evidence suggesting he’d be much more at home in the bin.

Blake is still “technically” in the running to win Sophie Monk‘s hand, but if rumours are to be believed he’s already set his crooked sights on the absolute treasure Tara in the outside world.

It’s a report from the Woman’s Day, so read into that what you will, but the evidence actually holds a fair bit of water.

It all revolves around a sloth, of all things.

Eagle-eyed fans might’ve noticed Blake getting cosy with a stuffed toy sloth in a late-September Bachelor escapade. Exhibit A:

That sloth, as it turns out, is Dereck. And he’s got his own Instagram page.

Fast-forward to a few days ago and Dereck curiously shows up in a post made by Tara while visiting the Big Banana in Coffs Harbour.

The post comes with the quiet, and probs tenuous, word that the toy actually belongs to Blake, and that the pair very quietly met up for coffee in the IRL recently.

What this actually means for the remainder of the series is absolutely anyone’s guess (thar be rumoured spoilers out there, but Google at ye own risk), but if there’s one thing we call in be in complete, unanimous agreement about, it’s this:

Blake, for the love of all that is holy, if you even so much attempt to breathe the same air as sweet Tara, I will personally ensure every lawn you ever own is scorched to dust.

Do not test me on this.

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