We all know someone who secretly loves 50 Shades of Grey. Whether your best mates eyes glaze over at the name ‘Christian’, or you’ve walked into your mum’s room to see a dog-eared copy under her pillow – these people exist. 

They are the people who pre-ordered a copy of the new E.L. James book, Grey. These are the people that allowed Grey to have 1.1 million sales in just 4 days after its release, despite reviews mainly leaning towards the ‘godawful’ side of the scale. 

One little point before we continue – Grey has exactly the same plot as the 50 Shades of Grey books. It’s just told from Christian Grey‘s side. So rather hearing the tale from the young, virginal Anastasia Steele, who is swept off her feet by a man who ~doesn’t turn out to be what she expects~, we instead can sit back and enjoy the sobering narrative of a emotionally abusive psychopath. Wonderful!

Author Sells 1 Million Copies Of Book 50 Shades More Boring Than The Last

To celebrate this horrendous feat, let’s look at PEDESTRIAN.TV‘s favourite quotes from Grey:

  • “Her hair is beautiful. Lush. Long. Thick. Idly, I wonder what it would be like to braid.”
  • “’Your sandwich, Mr Grey.’ ‘Chicken and mayonnaise?’ ‘Um…’ I stare at her. She just doesn’t get it. Olivia offers an inept apology. ‘I said chicken with mayonnaise, Olivia. It’s not that hard.’”
  • “And there she is: disarming once more, surprising me at every turn. My cock concurs.”
  • “This calls for – what did she call them? SHOUTY CAPITALS.”
  • “Miss Steele is a carnal creature. She will be a joy to train. My cock twitches in agreement.”
  • “Picking up my latest read, I settle on the sofa. It’s a book by two renowned economists who examine why the poor think and behave the way they do.”
  • “My body responds on a primal level – at war with the darkness.”
  • “She wears a coquettish smile, which addresses my dick directly.”

ADDRESSES HIS DICK DIRECTLY. 

COQUETTISH. 

CHICKEN AND MAYONNAISE. 

Goddamn, that’s some enchantingly brainy literature.

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