Fondly Looking Back At Cooked On-Screen Aussie Families, From The ’90s To Now

aussie families

Aussie television has produced some stellar (and truly questionable) families since it officially hit airwaves, and while I can only remember TV post-1990(ish), I distinctly recall feeling a mix of emotions ranging from the warm and fuzzies to cold, confused and quite frankly scared.

I honestly dunno how we got away with creating so many dysfunctional families, although from what I’ve learnt over the years, dysfunctional is quite clearly the norm. Art mirrors life and all that jazz.

Willingly or not, I’m going to give you a brief rundown of just a few cooked on-screen Aussie families, touch on a particular pickle said family found themselves in and offer a solution that could’ve prevented it.

Honestly, any pre-2010 situation could’ve been solved with better technology.

Slide – Ed and his oblivious family

While only running for two seasons, Slide has a special place in my heart because it aired at the exact time I was supposedly the main characters’ ages – Year 12 struggles and all that hoohaa.

Unlike my own experiences with Year 12, however, main character Ed found himself in quite the pickle when he slept in and missed his final exams (which were held at the school). I know we should all take accountability for our actions, but as a former 17-18-year-old, I can’t help but wonder why no one in his family woke him up? It’s his final exams, parents, shake and wake him.

In 2021, I fail to see this happening as often. Either exams are held online, in which case you can whip out your Galaxy Tab S7 and keyboard, log on 10 minutes prior and smash out the exam in a half-asleep haze, or you can at least do the bare minimum and set multiple alarms the night prior.

This show was set in 2010ish though, so I fail to believe ol’ mate Ed didn’t have access to an alarm clock at the very least.

The Wayne Manifesto – Wayne and his parents, I think?

This entire show is like a super hazy fever dream for me, so my memory of what actually goes down in quite literally any episode is vague-squared.

I just wanted to include it because I’ve been trying to find this show for over 15 years as I haven’t been able to get the theme song out of my head, I just didn’t know what it was called.

Thank you, Wikipedia. For the article’s sake, let’s say Wayne has an argument with the clothesline ‘cos he’s having one of his fantasies, which could be solved with a good dose of therapy.

Neighbours – Paul Robinson & Robert Robinson

I’m not a huge Neighbours buff but for the sake of every Brit’s expectations, I’ll lie and say I’ve watched every single episode.

After a bit of research, I discovered that one particular Robinson-related plot was particularly bonkers – Paul Robinson‘s son Robert Robinson went full evil and planted bombs on planes (super uncool), tried to and successfully killed Neighbours characters (Rob pls) and holds his Dad hostage in a mineshaft (Rob seriously, come on now).

I guess this really tests the theory of nature versus nurture, but perhaps if Robert and his Dad had regular calls on the weekend, just to say ‘hey what’s up ily’, maybe the mineshaft could’ve been avoided? I dunno, Robert honestly just sounds like a lost cause.

Round The Twist – The Twist fam

If there’s a children’s show in the world that shouldn’t be shown to children, it’s hands down Round The Twist.

There are too many plotlines that prove just how unhinged the Twist family is, however a running theme throughout all iterations of the show is that they have to navigate living in a literal lighthouse.

Can you imagine having to borrow your walkman from your sibling but they’re chilling at the top of the lighthouse? I’d move out and squat on the beach or something. Live off the land.

In saying that, you wouldn’t really have to worry about the stairs if everyone just had their own phone, as is the norm in 2021.

Grow up and get some modern-day tech, 90s Twist family.

Packed To The Rafters – The Rafters fam

While Ben Rafter was and is a certified hot tamale, he’s also a certified mamma’s boy.

You don’t have to look far for examples, either: while yes, he does move out of his family home in episode one, he quite literally moves next door into his mate Carlos‘ home.

Convenient? Sure. Would I want to live next door to family? Oh my heavens, no. Perhaps if video calls were more commonplace back in 2008, Ben could’ve moved at least a few streets away and just called mother bear Julie if he was feeling homesick.

Being able to stick your head over the fence and see your parents in the backyard is…odd, but cute? I suppose?

Please Like Me – Josh and his Ma

It’s rough to call this dynamic ‘cooked’ given how heavy the plot is, but Josh‘s relationship with his Mum was quite the opposite to Ben and his.

That’s all I’ll say because if you haven’t watched Please Like Me yet, fake your death tomorrow and power through it.

Kath and Kim – All of ’em

Yes, yes, the Baby Cheeses debacle is one of Kath and Kim‘s most-known scenes, but have you ever considered what would happen if this exact scenario went down in 2021?

First off, I guarantee Kim would be glued to every piece of tech that she owns, and I’d wager she’d at least consider sending a photo of the statue while she was at the store.

Assuming she has a Galaxy Tab S7 or S7+ handy (and if I know Kath, which I do, she probably owns the FE version in mystic pink), she would’ve been able to spot the cheeses/Jesus faux pas crystal clearly on a 12.4-inch screen, pulling the plug immediately.

While I’m on my ‘this would’ve easily been solved with technology’ rampage, there are about 500 (give or take) features on the Galaxy S7 tabs that would’ve prevented any of this from happening.

Simply looking at a photo your daughter sent you aside, 2021 Kath could’ve easily just ordered it online without so much as getting up from the couch. Furthermore (yes I whipped out ‘furthermore’, I told you I’m rampaging), if Kath is insistent on sending someone else to get a statue for her, can’t she just draw up a quick sketch of what type of statue she’s after with her S-Pen?

You couldn’t pay me to live through the mid-2000s again now that I know how many scenarios would turn into a disaster simply because there wasn’t tech around.

Because I did happen to live through the mid-2000s, let me remind everyone of just how dire it was:

Okay, alright, it wasn’t that bad by then, but when you compare it to the below, it may as well have been.

Oh, how far we’ve come.

My heart weeps for those poor Aussie TV families from the noughties who got themselves into so many sticky situations.

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