There’s something very strange about growing up with Christmas movies predominantly set in America, given their storylines usually revolve around snow, or getting stuck in the snow, or snow fights, or sledding in the snow, or getting caught in the snow without a snug jacket.
Australia, oddly enough, does not cop a lot of snow during Christmas. Some would be so bold as to say none.
No, our Christmas Days run a tad differently Down Under. While the Northern Hemisphere is cuddled up by the fire roasting marshmallows, we’re bursting into flames and eating a cold roast.
Every Aussie family might have a slight variation of their own December 25 shenanigans, but we’re all united by these true blue Chrissy Day staples. Probably. I didn’t ask anyone else, I’m just hoping my family aren’t completely weird.
The Designated BBQ Sous-Chef
Every BBQ needs a chef.
What BBQs don’t need – but Australian families believe they do need – is someone to stand behind the person cooking and critique every damn piece of food like they’re a non-British Gordon Ramsay.
It’s a BBQ, Uncle Steve. It’s not rocket science. Step away from the grill and go make sure your kid hasn’t thrown your phone into the pool again.
The Contentious Game Of Backyard Cricket
Alright. You’re hot, you’re sticky, you’re on edge and you’ve just consumed a couple Aussie eggnogs (ahem, Carlton Draughts). It’s the perfect time for a not-so-friendly game of backyard cricket.
Americans don’t even understand the sport, let alone why we’d play it in our backyards on Christmas Day. Honestly, most of us don’t know either, we only know that gives us an excuse to pelt balls at each other, scream in their face and become the most obnoxious people on earth.
But, because it’s sport, it’s not being ‘obnoxious’, it’s just being ‘competitive’. Loophole.
The Obligatory Sweaty Christmas Photo
Look, in defence of parents Australia-wide, taking photos of your family when everyone’s sweaty and gross is a tough gig. I’m not blaming their photography skills at all. I’m not blaming parents’ generally bad eyesight or shaky hands for taking subpar photos. Not even a little bit. It’s totally the camera’s fault.
Might I suggest, though, that if you insist on taking an average Chrissy shot of the sweaty fam every year, you at least make the most of it. Don’t lock them away in your cupboard for no one to see. Print those bad boys off and send them out as your next set of Christmas cards, which saves you having to buy overpriced cards from the shops.
My bet (which also happens to be my next Christmas present to mum and dad), get one of those HP Sprockets. They’re portable printers which means that if Christmas isn’t at your house that year, you can take along the original Sprocket or the Sprocket Select, and print them out while you pretend to listen to your partially-deaf gran.
Plus, at the end of the day, it’s really nice to have photos you can hold again. I’ve accidentally deleted so many photos off my phone that I’ve inadvertently erased eight Christmasses-worth of memories.
The Super Soaker War
I know you’re supposed to take it easy on the young’uns when it comes to games, but I also know you’re supposed to let the bride and groom cut the first piece of cake and you best believe I ignored that social protocol, too.
Nup, if kids are stupid enough to get into a full-blown water fight with a full-grown adult, I’m not taking any prisoners – even on Christmas.
This means war, children.
The Xmas Movie Sesh Feat. Aircon
Just because most Christmas movies are not entirely relatable to Australians, that doesn’t stop me from watching 30 in one sitting.
There’s nothing more relaxing than sitting in your jocks with the aircon cranked to ‘power blackout imminent’, watching The Grinch with a belly full of charred garlic prawns and hoping no one asks you to clean.
Bliss.
