Science folk like to ruin fun things. God’s creation? Nah, just the Big Bang. Loch Ness Monster? Trick of the light, mates.
They’re notorious wet blankets, and frankly it’s time we shut them all up once and for all. Who needs science, anyway? I frankly LOVE to live my life blindly believing wild tales and not researching any deeper to discover whether there’s any legitimacy to them or not.
The latest thing to be RUINED by science folks is this alien mummy from Chile.
This weird unit was named the Atacama Humanoid back when it was discovered in 2003. Probs because they found it in the Acatama Desert in Chile. IDK. Just a thought there.
The mummified skeleton was preserved bc of the dry, desert conditions of the area. Apparently the lil’ dude – it’s only six inches long – only dates back 40 years, so it’s not some sort of ancient human. (It’s an alien).
Microbiologist and immunologist Garry Nolan from Stanford University School of Medicine decided to investigate it, and his 2013 study concluded this guy was actually a human of around 6 to 8 years old. Boring result, right? Also wtf the thing is six inches long. SIX INCHES.
Well, apparently his study didn’t answer a bunch of important q’s, like why the Atacama Humanoid had such an enlarged skull, slanted eye sockets and 10 ribs instead of 12. POOR FORM, GARRY. Just kidding keep up the good work we can’t be winners all the time.
It gets weirder. In 2013 natural history curator Paolo Viscardi claimed the skeleton couldn’t be a 6-8 year old kid, and that it was actually an aborted foetus of around 14-16 weeks. Sorry, what? How have we gone from full-grown child to foetus?
Today, a new study was published in something I will never read called Genome Research – swear to god, click that link and look at that headache of a study – claims the being is simply a human being with a bunch of never-before-seen-mutations and genetic anomalies.
OR, YOU KNOW, IT’S JUST A FUCKING ALIEN YOU GUYS.
“We went searching for rare mutations—mutations that we really haven’t seen in other humans that have been sequenced so far, with the thinking that it must have been something very rare to cause this condition, which really hasn’t been seen elsewhere before,” Atul Butte, director of the Institute for Computational Health Sciences at the University of California-San Francisco, told Gizmodo today.
Apparently they’ve decided the Atacama Humanoid was a human girl of Chilean descent. They do think she was probs still a foetus when she died, but she does have the bone size of a six-year old child. The reason for this, they reckon, is that she suffered from a rare bone-aging disorder.
YEAH. OR. SHE. WAS. AN. ALIEN.
Honestly, see what I mean? The science folk ruin everything. Just admit it’s maybe an alien and let us all get excited FFS.
The researchers found mutations in at least seven of her genes that apparently are the reason for her physical characteristics. ORRRRRR those “mutations” could be because she’s a BLOODY ALIEN.
In short – even though this study was probably really thoroughly researched and all of the people I have mentioned in this article are infinitely smarter than I am, I choose to throw this entire load of SCIENCE in the bin and believe the Atacama Humanoid is, indeed, an extra-terrestrial.
