At some point the people of the United States of America are simply going to have to declare enough is enough and make a stand to claim their true identity by replacing “In God we Trust” with “Fuck your arteries, son” as the national motto.
Burger shillers and corporate brothers-in-arms Carl’s Jr and Hardee’s are unleashing a truly fearsome beast unto the world that at one makes its inferiors cower in fear whilst crushing a beer can on its head, shooting off some crater-creating fireworks and pumping its jean-jacket covered arm skywards to chant “U-S-A! U-S-A!“
The Most American Thickburger – and, really, if you can think of a more beautifully American name for a burger (outside of maybe Thundergun Titsbeer Air Force Eagle FreedomBurger) I’d certainly like to hear it – captures just about everything that is so great and wonderful about America; stuff jammed inside of other stuff. Because why eat two things when you can combine them into one instead?
Essentially an entire Fourth of July barbecue slapped between fluffy buns, the Thickburger takes a third pound beef patty, throws in the usual trimmings like cheese, lettuce, tomato, red onion, pickles, ketchup and mustard, rests it on a bed of Lays Kettle Cooked potato chips, and then smacks both halves of a bisected hot dog right on top.
The whole thing clocks in at a hearty 1,030 calories with 64 grams of fat. If you *just so happen* to be passing through the area, you’ll be able to pick one up from May 20th for the princely sum of $5.79.
You could even pay for it with a few of the USA’s impending new dollar bills.
via HuffPo.
