Are you a pretty brunette capable of pulling off convincing sexy face, losing a bunch of weight and taking on more career slashes than Wes Craven? Congratulations! Like Ricki-Lee Coulter, Jessica Mauboy and Megan Gale you’re probably one of WHO Magazine’s 25 Sexiest People for 2012. In what has already been an exceptionally excellent week for sexy people – more so than usual – local arbiters of sexy appeal WHO have been kind enough to share with the sexless amongst us the secrets to eternal sexy appeal, something we’re all in endless pursuit of. Sorry health and happiness, you lose this round!
According to this year’s list of homegrown and international hotties, the secret to fully realising your sexy potential is to have brown hair, an affiliation with Yahoo!7 and an acting credit in Magic Mike; that, and a propensity for appearing on these kind of lists on an annual basis.
In addition to the magazine’s fart-sniffing cover star triumvirate of smouldering safe-for-work sexy vibes, additions to the list, and the type of sexy they constitute, include:
Robert Pattinson, sexy, awkward cuckold
Kristen Stewart, sexy wench who doesn’t give a fuck
Sofia Vergara, sexy stereotype
Keith Urban, sexy recovering addict and meaty idol
Aaron Paul, confused fashion week attendee, sexy sidekick and fake addict
Dannii Minogue, sexy puzzling addition to this list. Oh, wait, Channel 7 – right.
Gwyneth Paltrow, sexy goji berry and lifestyle website
Jon Hamm, sexy doughy man
Ryan Reynolds, what is this, 2004 sexy?
Blake Lively, soon to be unemployed Van Der Woodsexy
January Jones, requisite appearance on sexy list sexy
Samara Weaving, Seven affiliate sexy
Jeremy Renner, Bourne sexy but not really sexy unless you like flavour-saving nuggets of muscle and marksmanship
Mila Kunis, the sexiest in the world – your argument is invalid
Channing Tatum, a sexy magician stripper who likes cats and pizza, aka the sexiest combo
Joe Manganiello, see above, swap cats with werewolves and pizza with beef
Katie Holmes, sorry but only in the way that freedom, draped beige knitwear and child support are sexy
Kim Kardashian, ha ha ha
Chris Hemsworth, Man/Hair of The Year sexy
Rita Ora, party and party and party and bullshit sexy
Olivia Wilde, Marissa Cooper-endorsed sexy
Matt Bomer, please adopt me sexy
Notable omissions from this year’s list include Miranda Kerr, The Other Hemsworth, The Gos and Mel B. WHO’s Sexiest People edition is on sale now and will cost you $4.95 and one self-esteem.
