Just so we’re clear, tittering is another word for giggling, which is something you’ll note Victoria’s Secret Angels feign irrepressibly while strutting in outlandish lingerie in front of millions of leering perves. Like us!
Once again we’re here asking ‘What even is the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2013?’ and yet, we’re also here looking through pictures of a master race of genetically modified (probably) female humans who will one day enslave us all. And I, for one, welcome our new 10/10 overlords:
ACTUALLY OMG Monika Jagaciak WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU? Why do you have a 15 year old’s door hanger around your neck? Why are wearing a hat that inebriated people would find hilarious and great? Who are you going to meet at the airport with that balloon? 
Sarah Sampaio has come as MSN chat.
totes is a buzzword that youths use and you can take that to the bank. You’re welcome. Also, who got the dud giant smiley costume?
Awwww, it was Elsa Husk and she does.not hate it. “What a time to be alive!” – her.
You know what, Jessica Hart? I believe you. I believe you enjoy wearing that. You go, Jessica Hart!
Which part of this outfit do Victoria’s Secret actually sell? Which is it? What do you want from me Victoria?! What do you want me to buy???!!!
Haha. Dumb. Could definitely run backwards really fast at fixed objects and not be injured though…
Let’s change this thing up – time to get onboard the Sultry Leather Pushup Fringing Train with Kelly Gale. 
Excuse me please, Joan Smalls. How did you do that thing? Yeah, right there, that thing. That thing where you get aggressively toned and sculpted leg muscles….is it by doing nothing [hopeful]?
Yeah. We know you know you are within the 1% of genetically blessed humans, Jourdan Dunn. We are the 99%. 
When Cling-Wrap Pranks Go Sexy ft. Karlie Kloss
This is the costume that teens are trying for when they wear butterfly wings and lingerie. Martha Hunt got it though.
More like Erin FEATHERton
….
……………………………………….
Lindsay Ellingson fixed.
Wait for the dunk…
Izabel Goulart blowing kisses in your general direction because she will never actually touch you:
Can’t tell if defence mechanism because feeling threatened or if costume designer is a jerk…
[feathering intensifies]
And now we come to the ‘Snow Angel’ portion of this evening:
Whilst impressive, I seriously doubt the aeronautical capabilities of those wings; I’m going to go ahead and place Lily Donaldson firmly in the ‘Flightless Angel’ category.
“Yes, Taylor. Very nice. That’s a very good song.”
“Ugh” [eye rolling internally]
Taylor, no. You are not a professional underpants model, please step away.
BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKERS Magdalena Frackowiak coming on through!
Guys, I don’t mean to alarm anyone but security failed to stop Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz from clambering on stage. The list of reasons why Fall Out Boy should not be playing at Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2013 is longer than a Fall Out Boy song title. 
Alright, move along lads *sexily beats to death with baton*. Keeps calm / Carries on:
Sometimes you forget that the point of this whole thing is to show off actual wearable product and then I see the sweet push up bra and great underwears that Behati Prinsloo is showing us under the hot mess. 10/10 would buy.
Do not even, Jourdan Dunn. WE GOT AN EQUESTRYON SITUAYSHON OVER HERE:
And Taytay wraps up the entirely batshit ‘British’ part with this:
I’ve never said it before, because I’m too nice. But your model has the cold, dead eyes of a killer.
LEOPARD PRINT EYELINER DOG COLLAR GUITAR VELVET SEQUINS – A ROCK STAR YOU GUYS!
Do you ever just stop and think how much Victoria’s Secret just do not ‘get’ ‘it’?
Cara Delevingne, I wish I knew how to quit you. 
Ummmmm.
*DRAMA BOMB*
Guys, do not even worry. Adrian Lima has arriv-ed:
2 srs 4 u.
Alessandra Ambrosio like it ain’t no thing:
Is it just me, or does the meth that Karlie Kloss rolled in look next-lev pure?
ROLL THEM DRUMS it’s Candice Swanepoel wearing the ‘Fantasy Bra’! It cost 10 million earth dollars to make this bra that absolutely no one will wear for realsies but YAYAYAYAY just look at it go:
All images via Getty by Jamie McCarthy / Bryan Bedder / Kevin Kane.
