Just so we’re clear, tittering is another word for giggling, which is something you’ll note Victoria’s Secret Angels feign irrepressibly while strutting in outlandish lingerie in front of millions of leering perves. Like us! 

Once again we’re here asking ‘What even is the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2013?’ and yet, we’re also here looking through pictures of a master race of genetically modified (probably) female humans who will one day enslave us all. And I, for one, welcome our new 10/10 overlords:

ACTUALLY OMG Monika Jagaciak WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU? Why do you have a 15 year old’s door hanger around your neck? Why are wearing a hat that inebriated people would find hilarious and great? Who are you going to meet at the airport with that balloon? 
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Sarah Sampaio has come as MSN chat.
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show


totes is a buzzword that youths use and you can take that to the bank. You’re welcome. Also, who got the dud giant smiley costume?
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Awwww, it was Elsa Husk and she does.not hate it. “What a time to be alive!” – her.
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

You know what, Jessica Hart? I believe you. I believe you enjoy wearing that. You go, Jessica Hart!
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Which part of this outfit do Victoria’s Secret actually sell? Which is it? What do you want from me Victoria?! What do you want me to buy???!!!
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Haha. Dumb. Could definitely run backwards really fast at fixed objects and not be injured though…

All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Let’s change this thing up – time to get onboard the Sultry Leather Pushup Fringing Train with Kelly Gale
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Excuse me please, Joan Smalls. How did you do that thing? Yeah, right there, that thing. That thing where you get aggressively toned and sculpted leg muscles….is it by doing nothing [hopeful]?
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Yeah. We know you know you are within the 1% of genetically blessed humans, Jourdan Dunn. We are the 99%
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Um sorry, Sui He, we did not realise you were busy being beautiful over there. Mi scusi.
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

When Cling-Wrap Pranks Go Sexy ft. Karlie Kloss
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

This is the costume that teens are trying for when they wear butterfly wings and lingerie. Martha Hunt got it though.
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

More like Erin FEATHERton
….
……………………………………….
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Lindsay Ellingson.

All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Lindsay Ellingson fixed.
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
Wait for the dunk…

Izabel Goulart blowing kisses in your general direction because she will never actually touch you:
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Can’t tell if defence mechanism because feeling threatened or if costume designer is a jerk…
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

[feathering intensifies]
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

And now we come to the ‘Snow Angel’ portion of this evening:
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Whilst impressive, I seriously doubt the aeronautical capabilities of those wings; I’m going to go ahead and place Lily Donaldson firmly in the ‘Flightless Angel’ category.
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

“Yes, Taylor. Very nice. That’s a very good song.”
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

“Ugh” [eye rolling internally]
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Taylor, no. You are not a professional underpants model, please step away.
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

BEEP BEEP MOTHERFUCKERS Magdalena Frackowiak coming on through!
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Guys, I don’t mean to alarm anyone but security failed to stop Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz from clambering on stage. The list of reasons why Fall Out Boy should not be playing at Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2013 is longer than a Fall Out Boy song title. 
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Alright, move along lads *sexily beats to death with baton*. Keeps calm / Carries on:
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Sometimes you forget that the point of this whole thing is to show off actual wearable product and then I see the sweet push up bra and great underwears that Behati Prinsloo is showing us under the hot mess. 10/10 would buy.
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Do not even, Jourdan Dunn. WE GOT AN EQUESTRYON SITUAYSHON OVER HERE:
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

And Taytay wraps up the entirely batshit ‘British’ part with this:
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

I’ve never said it before, because I’m too nice. But your model has the cold, dead eyes of a killer.
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

LEOPARD PRINT EYELINER DOG COLLAR GUITAR VELVET SEQUINS – A ROCK STAR YOU GUYS!
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
Do you ever just stop and think how much Victoria’s Secret just do not ‘get’ ‘it’?

Cara Delevingne, I wish I knew how to quit you. 
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Ummmmm.

*DRAMA BOMB*
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Guys, do not even worry. Adrian Lima has arriv-ed:
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

2 srs 4 u.
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

30 Day Squat Challenge
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Alessandra Ambrosio like it ain’t no thing:
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

Is it just me, or does the meth that Karlie Kloss rolled in look next-lev pure?
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

ROLL THEM DRUMS it’s Candice Swanepoel wearing the ‘Fantasy Bra’! It cost 10 million earth dollars to make this bra that absolutely no one will wear for realsies but YAYAYAYAY just look at it go:
All That Glittered And Tittered At The 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show


All images via Getty by Jamie McCarthy / Bryan Bedder / Kevin Kane.