“I know three things about Richard Wilkins,” said Karl Stefanovic while MCing the launch of Wilkins’ book, Black Ties, Red Carpets, Green Rooms, after a long, long lunch with Channel Nine boss David Gyngell. “Great bloke, big hair, massive cock.”

Awesome. In a reprise of his drunken performance on air after the Logies, the Today Show host, totally pissed, just kept going. “That’s all I know. Now I know that a lot of the press is here, and yada, yada, yada, but sometimes, as Tom Cruise said in that film, sometimes you’ve just gotta say, ‘What the fuck’ … as [Wilkins’ partner] Rebecca knows only too well.”

Beat.

“Deep breathing.”

Stefanovic then went on to say how much he loved Wilkins’ children, who were present at the event, and applauded him for being a good father despite the pressure the entertainment industry puts on one’s time. Which, of course, is a nice little segue into how much muff he used to get.

“I also know that in the eighties, you were the Don Bradman of rooting. Seriously, bro. Most of us in the eighties went into a bar and went, ‘Aw, I reckon I might be a chance maybe with that bird, maybe if she has a lot to drink’. But Dicky walks into a bar in the eighties and goes, ‘I’m 99.94’.”

“They were going to put him on Perfect Match, but they knew he’d walk away with the three girls. And then come back with Dexter. And maybe give Dexter a root.”

What a dude. If only Kochie would chill out and waste once in a while. God knows it propelled Andrew O’Keefe to the status of total legend.

There’s a recording of Stefanovic’s speech at The Daily Telegraph.