After ‘True Story’ Debacle, There’s A GoFundMe To Rescue Matt Damon From Mars

Oh, America. America, stop. STAHHHHHP. PLEASE. 

After the recent reports that a helluva lot of Americans were legitimately confused about whether Matt Damon‘s new film ‘The Martian’ was based on a true story, it seems that someone out there wanted to take it to the next level. 
While we are 110% sure (read: nothing surprises us anymore, so we live in desperate hope) that this is not real, there is now a Go Fund Me page to rescue Matt Damon from Mars
However, the description is one of the most excellent things we’ve seen in a while, and we would definitely like to shake the hand of the creator, Kyle Douglas M:
One of the greatest actors in Hollywood is currently trapped on Mars after a failed exploration. We need Matt back on earth because he is due to be in another “Bourne” movie. 

Matt is also a loyal friend to another Hollywood great Ben Affleck who needs Matt Damon’s support as he goes through a divorce. 

Failing to bring Matt back could be devistating to our American life and will have a devastating impact on film if we don’t rescue Matt. 
They’re asking US$99 million for the ‘rescue mission’, and so far there’s been two donations. So… only $98,999,990 to go. 
At least we can live in comfort that after NASA’s recent discovery, the trapped actor has access to drinking water. God help us all.  
via GoFundMe.