The poor old Sydney Opera House is having a pretty rough time of it lately. A few weeks back, refined gentleman John Malkovich laid a vicious verbal smackdown on the building for the woefully inadequate state of its facilities. Earlier today, rakishly-handsome porn performer and internet raconteur James Deen piled on, calling its restaurant “the worst place on earth” after a recent trip there.

Deen was in Sydney to snap photos with breathless fans at Sexpo when he decided to stop in somewhere for a bite to eat. On a friend’s recommendation, he checked out the famous Opera Bar. Needless to say, it didn’t go very well, and Deen didn’t hold back when describing what he called the worst food he has ever eaten in his entire life.

“[I’d] rather have someone with dysentery shit into my eyes while i am forced to listen to hanson on repeat and sing creed. i rather lick the inside of a glory hole than have any of this bullshit excuse for “food” enter my mouth ever again. i rather send dick pics to my rabbi.”

He didn’t have very kind things to say about the way the restaurant is run:

“the system of ordering was stupid. you went to a bar and told them what you wanted. then they stared at you when you said you haven’t chosen your seat yet. after that you are given a number and forced to wait for a hour before a server comes over and bitches at you for not telling them where you’re sitting EVEN THOUGH YOU ALREADY TOLD 4 DIFFERENT PEOPLE!!!!!!!”

Yeah, that sounds pretty damn frustrating. Believe it or not, things got worse when the food arrived:

“then the food. oh my god the “food”. it was so bad. my steak tasted like salt that someone pissed meat juice on. it was so bad. the brussel sprouts were literally burnt to ashes. the risotto was actual soup. the pizza was basically grease on a cracker…. HOW DO YOU FUCK UP PIZZA!!!!!???? uggggg horrible.”

Final thoughts? Zero stars, would not recommend:

“we actually had to leave and go to a different restaurant while i cursed their very existence and took off my pant. hands down the most god awful eatery in the existence of the universe.”

You can read the rant and see some reactions over on his extremely NSFW website, but be warned, that’s a rabbit hole from which you may have some difficulty emerging. 

Photo: Tullio M Puglia via Getty Images