If there’s anything that’ll make a film stand out from the crowd it has to be [checks notes] simulating oral sex on Marion Cotillard while singing live. And that’s exactly what Adam Driver does in Annette. I have so many questions.

Annette, directed by Leos Carax, made its premiere on the first night of the 2021 Cannes Film Festival on Tuesday. The comedy-drama musical follows the lives of a stand-up comedian (Driver) and his wife, a famous soprano (Cotillard) as they have their first child.

Speaking to the press at the festival, Cotillard said that unlike other film musicals, the songs were all sung live.

“On most classical musicals, you record your songs in advance and then you do playback on the set. But there, Leos wanted everything to be completely live,” she told reporters.

“It added to the complexity of the set: we found ourselves singing in very complicated positions, doing back-crawling or mimicking cunnilingus; acrobatic positions that technically modify your song.”

Pretending to eat someone out while singing sounds hard, to be honest. Would one sing to the vagina, or sing a couple of lines and then go down?

Cotillard added that singing live and its effects was what Carax was going for.

“He wanted the voices modified, thwarted, by the real [situations the actors were in],” she said, which makes me think that maybe it could also be muffled singing?

I am PERPLEXED.

Again, unlike other musical films, Cotillard said viewers will see things they don’t usually see in the genre, like “sexual tickling.”

“We strangely never see people fucking or doing trivial things in musical comedies,” Cotillard said.

She has a point, hey?

Annette copped a five-minute standing ovation after its premiere at Cannes, which I’m going to boldly assume means it was good. According to Variety, director Carax was so relieved people liked his movie he lit a cigarette while people were applauding him and the cast.

It’s already received glittering reviews from the blue ticks of the film industry, including IndieWire which called the film a “mind-blowing musical fantasia” that will “take your breath away.” Let the Oscars campaign begin.

As a heads up, the trailer is fucking weird in a good way.

Is that not the most Oscar-baity movie trailer you’ve ever seen?

Image: HBO