A-Z Thoughts All Mature-Aged Students Have Had When Not Asking Questions

Ok so we’re back in the full-swing of uni. You’ve probably managed to miss at least one lecture, and you’re trying to figure out the best way to only attend the minimum required tutorials for your subjects. 
You probably haven’t even opened the textbook you spent half a week’s wage on, and you’ve resigned yourself to the fact that your diet for the next couple of months is going to be black coffee and packet ramen. It’s okay. Welcome to uni.
You’ve probably also noticed that there’s some older folks on campus. You know who I’m talking about. The mature-aged students. There’s one in every class, almost like a staple or like each course has to fill a specific quota of annoying know-it-all types that are there to test your patience.
Truth be told, mature-aged students have most definitely had some thoughts about you too (and the other older students in the class). So hey, maybe it’s worth giving them a moment in the sun to share their thoughts, because they’re probably not that much different from what The Youth™ are thinking.
Mature-aged students are there to learn as well, so we probably should be a bit more accepting of them and their approaches to uni – because god knows they’re probably way more organised than the rest of us.
But what are they thinking about when they’re having to navigate the chaos that is fresh-out-of-school classmates? Well, I reckon these are probably a good start…

Age & Experience
“I mean these kids haven’t even lived, you know? Straight out of school and into uni? Fuck that go live a little. Come back when you’ve got some life skills.”
Be Quiet
“Shut up shut up shut UP I’m going to interject here because I am right and you are not.”
Classroom Etiquette
“I best sit toward the front so I can see the board, ask questions, interact with the tutorial an-OH my god why won’t these people shut up about their weekends”
Distinction Average
“I mean a distinction average would be nice but christ we all know that P’s get degrees anyway.”
Extra Credit
“Just because I’m an older student doesn’t mean I want to do extra work for extra credit but you better BELIEVE I’m gunna ask just to spite you.”
Free Shit
“Literally the only reason why I go to any kind of orientation is for the free shit. Then I’m headed straight to the pub.”
Group Work
“What these young idiots don’t realise is that older folks are fuckin’ KILLER at group work. Guess who actually actively participates? Yeah binch, it’s me.”
Handing In Assignments
“Ok just because I’m a mature-aged student doesn’t mean I’m going to hand in my assignment weeks before it’s due, but I *will* start earlier than the night before.”
Icebreaker Activities
“Ugh, christ. Icebreakers. Time for the half-yearly grilling of being years older than everyone else.”
Judging
“I’m definitely judging everyone in this class for how unbelievably clueless they are. How have you survived this long?”
Knowing Everything
“Yep mate, I also hate that one mature-aged student that thinks they know more than the tutor and always manages to make our class run half an hour over time. I’m right there with you.”
Lecture Theatres
“The most important part about lectures is that I can ask every question and show off that I actually know more than literally everyone in this room.”
Mature Age Students
“I can’t believe I’m 25 and considered ‘mature-age’, have they even seen ol’ mate over there? He’s like 70. How the fuck am I in the same league as him?”
Nerd
“Everyone probably thinks I’m a massive nerd for being organised, sucks to be them when I graduate and they get stuck in Summer School”
O Week (or, another week off)
O Week is literally just an extra week of holidays for me. Screw the uni parties, I’m staying home and away from the rowdy types and clocking in some extra sleep.”
Pecking Orders
“As much as I like to think I’m the Jeff Winger of this class, I’m definitely Pierce Hawthorne.”
Questions, questions, questions
“The more questions I ask, the more the dickheads at the back of the class will actually learn something. Maybe.”
Readings ~VERY IMPORTANT~
“I’ve done the readings for the first half of the semester, I can bet you right now that half of these people here haven’t even bought the bloody textbook.”
Societies & Clubs
“I literally have no time for this.”
Tutors
“Jesus Christ, even my tutors are younger than me how have I let this happen.”
Uni Games
“Uni Games? No thanks. I don’t even exercise for myself let alone for anyone else, hey.”
Very Nice 
“Ok just because I’m older doesn’t mean everyone has to be a fuckin’ prick to me. I’m very nice once you realise I’m actually just like you.”
Work Life
“I wonder how many of these other fresh students actually have jobs. Wait, have they left home yet? Am I the only one kicking two part time jobs on top of this fkn degree?”
X…hausted
“I need five coffees before this class because I’m going straight from here to my third job and then go home and finish this group assignment because nobody else is helping and make dinner for myself and then probably die or something.”
Youths
“Oh no it’s happened. I don’t understand the youths. This is what I imagine my parents feel like. What the fuck is dabbing? What is happening? When did I get so old??” 
Zero Fucks Given
“At the end of the day, we’re all here for the same reason – to learn and maybe pass without having too many existential crises. We’re in this together, mate.”
Photo: 20th Century Fox.

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