A Drunk Armie Hammer Returned To Twitter To Drag His Critics Into The Dust

By

Published

January 30, 2018

Oh, Armie Hammer. Where art thou?

The Call Me By Your Name star (and confirmed huge ballsack owner) has been absent from Twitter since being lightly roasted for using “deadass” in a tweet. Forgot about that incident? It was literally in November last year. Also, there was that whole thing when BuzzFeed published a fairly scathing takedown of his stop-and-start career, AND there was an Oscars campaign to run.

Well, he’s back, baby. The Oscar nominations came out last week and Armie – sadly – didn’t get one (although Call Me By Your Name racked them up for Best Picture, Best Director, Adapted Screenplay, and a Best Actor nod for star Timothée Chalamet).

And coincidence or not, Armie’s back on Twitter.

Spoiler: he was drunk.

Like a Phoenix rising from the ashes…

— Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) January 27, 2018

They should put a blood alcohol measuring device on cell phones to keep you from drunkenly reactivating your Twitter…

— Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) January 27, 2018

But very quickly, it seems, he decided he was in no mood to deal with his critics, of which there are a few. (Appearing in a queer love story will do that, but it’s also comes with celebrity.)

So here we go, CRITIC #1: Tex Watson, Jr.

Tex was on a mission to bully Armie off Twitter, failing miserably.

https://twitter.com/ohellvis/status/957330578529050625

Your tweet got one like… doesn’t seem like you can do much of anything.

— Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) January 27, 2018

TBF, that tweet only had one fave when Armie tweeted. Now it’s got 64. Wow. Much traction.

And here’s CRITIC #2, Twitter user ‘hairy single mother with sleep apnea’, which I don’t think is their real name.

https://twitter.com/fatgaysue/status/957520862839754753

Why did you open your mouth and let stupid shit fall out…?

— Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) January 28, 2018

@fatgaysue is clearly a huge moron with too much time on their hands – in this writer’s opinion. Don’t sue me, I’m broke.

https://twitter.com/fatgaysue/status/957649239781314560

That spat kind of devolved, but for some reason Armie – who has one million better things to be doing – stuck around.

Tsar………… hmmmm……. yup. I like that. I’m keeping it. TSAR HAMMER, Troll Hunter!

— Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) January 28, 2018

And now we come to CRITIC #3, which isn’t so much an internet shitposter but an entire online publication.

Yes, that’s right folks, we’re talking The Telegraph, which suggested Armie originally quit Twitter over the BuzzFeed article.

Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t. Who knows!

This is like when ancient civilizations thought eclipses caused events when in reality it was unrelated shade… cosmically useless shade.

— Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) January 28, 2018

And finally, with the critics taken care of, we can return to our regularly scheduled Armie Hammer content.

CMBYN promotions…

We came all the way to Crema for this screening and no one showed up…..

On a serious note: thank you to all the people who came from so far to enjoy the closing of this Call Me By Your Name circle. pic.twitter.com/XCtEucPOQm

— Armie Hammer (@armiehammer) January 29, 2018

… hanging with his wife, Elizabeth Chambers…