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As someone who’s lived in a variety of unconventional situations – whether it’s shacking up in an attic with two other friends or overstaying my welcome at a long-term hostel – I’m hardly picky when it comes to roommates.

In saying that, there are definitely people who I gel with better than others. Now, just for argument’s sake, let’s say that each dwarf from Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs applied to an apartment listing I posted.

Let’s also say I had those mythical ~standards~ that people boast about on the reg.

Here’s who I’d be more inclined to live with, in order from ‘absolutely not’ to ‘most definitely’.

7. Sneezy

Hayfever’s not anyone’s fault, per se. But does that make it any less vexing when someone’s main personality trait is to sneeze every five seconds? Hard no. It’s still frustrating to the nth degree.

To Sneezy’s credit, he does tick a lot of the boxes. All of the dwarfs are charming in their own way. But what happens when we have to hide from a criminal in the wardrobe and Sneezy gives away our location in three seconds flat?

I choose life.

6. Sleepy

Truth be told, Sleepy was originally #1 on my list of ideal candidates.

I thought to myself, ‘What’s better than having a housemate who sleeps in their room for the majority of the day?’. It’d be like living by yourself at half the cost. Win-win.

But then I had something of an epiphany: half the fun of living with someone is the banter. Would I get lonely(er)? Would I have to check on Sleepy five times a day to make sure he was still breathing?

There are just too many variables that could easily make life too difficult.

5. Grumpy

Look, I have an endless supply of my own problems to deal with, so I’m in no way equipped to handle someone else’s baggage.

And yes, I do know Grumpy‘s broody exterior is merely a defence mechanism (he eventually breaks down and saves Snow White’s life, after all), but still. I could imagine accidentally spilling my drink on the couch and receiving a formal email from the real-estate agent two hours later after ‘someone’ ratted me out.

There are only two of us living in the apartment Grumpy, I obviously know it was you.

4. Happy

Eternally happy people are rarer than an albino unicorn with a business degree – it just doesn’t seem plausible to me.

But I think it would be nice for morale to have someone who’s constantly acting like my personal cheerleader. On days when I’m feeling lethargic and can’t be bothered leaving the house, I’d just have to spend five minutes with Happy being painfully positive for me to sprint out the door sans shoes or wallet.

3.  Doc

Anyone familiar with me would advise that I live in a place with a wee bit of structure. I tend to get into all sorts of pickles if I’m spending time with people whose hobbies also include self-destruction.

So in that sense, Doc would be a perfect housemate. Would we butt heads on occasion? Of course. Doc seems like the type of guy who would structure his day down to the minute while I’m a tad more blasé.

And if he thinks I’m spending my weekends whistling an admittedly catchy bop while slaving away in the mines, he’s got another thing coming.

2. Dopey

Now we’re talking.

Dopey is that perfect balance of erratic and wholesome. Is he going to come home with an entire orchestra trailing behind him, or will he shoot me a text asking whether we should spend Friday night doing a wholesome puzzle? He’s a mixed bag and I love it.

While routine is arguably important to an extent, it’s the spontaneity that makes living so much more enjoyable.

1. Bashful

Surprising choice? Hardly.

For selfish reasons, I’ve perched Bashful at the top of the list purely because I think I could get away with a lot more.

If I lock myself out of the house and have to wake him up at 4am, I hardly doubt Bashful will think twice about it.

And even if he does, he’ll be too shy to have a proper dig at me.

Of course, I wouldn’t take advantage of his kind-hearted nature because that’s borderline sociopathic, but it’d be pleasant to not sweat bullets every time you have to inconvenience someone you live with.

‘Tis the little things in life.

Image: Disney