No lie, ‘happily ever after’ is a pretty broad phrase. I think as kids, we assumed the phrase just meant the Disney princesses lived a happy life in love with their prince, but did we ever stop to consider what their life would actually be like? No we did not.
Where do they live? Do they have kids? Do they all hang out at monthly BBQs and talk smack about the villains who tried to off them? Look, who knows but if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s guessing.
So strap yourselves in, you’re about to get a glimpse into all of the Disney princesses’ (probable) futures.
Profession: Small Business Owner
Living in a quaint seaside apartment on Denmark‘s east coast, Ariel spends her days running a boutique souvenir shop, Dinglehoppers, that gets most of its business from the locals.
Souvenirs include forks, knives, candle snuffers – literally just regular utensils. It goes without saying that this probably explains the lack of foot traffic from tourists.
After discovering that Prince Charming scoured the entire land looking for someone who had the same sized shoe as the glass slipper he was holding, Cinderella realised that France was in severe need of a better education. “Why didn’t he just look for my face when he was searching for me?” she often pondered.
So, now Cinderella teaches Year 11 psychology and lives a humble life with her prince.
After slipping into one hectic coma, Princess Aurora developed a phobia of sleep (Somniphobia for anyone who was wondering) and has since focused her energy on developing an energy drink that keeps you awake 24/7.
While she’s yet to have a breakthrough, she has stumbled upon the cure for acne so she’s kicking goals all over the place.
Profession: Probation Officer
Before Aladdin was all princed up, he was what some would call a ‘criminal’. A criminal with a heart of gold, don’t get me wrong, but he was technically doing a whole bunch of shady business.
So, it makes perfect sense for Jasmine to become a probation officer. She has empathy, she’s aware that offenders can evolve and become better people and in a pinch, she can lay down the law when it’s required.
Profession: Co-Founder of Grammarly
We know Belle reads – a lot. We also know Belle is a savvy inventor who frankly, runs rings around everyone else in that village.
So it should come as no surprise that Belle smooshed her love for books and her brains together to create Grammarly, the program that has saved the butts of many students, teachers, employees – the list is extensive.
Profession: Full-time Conspiracy Theorist
Okay, if you witnessed a frog turn into a human then you’d spend the rest of your life trying to alert the world too.
Tiana repeatedly sends out newsletters, The Toad Times, to anyone who’s willing to accept them. She’s yet to convince too many people but at least she’s doing what she thinks is right.
Do you know how long Rapunzel spent cooped up in a glorified treehouse? 18 years. Rapunzel was by herself, talking to a gecko for 18 years.
Of course she’s going to work hard, get her degree and become an arborist – spending the rest of your life cutting down your own prison over and over again would be incredibly satisfying.
Profession: Skincare Mogul
The Evil Queen really shot herself in the foot.
First, she tries to poison her daughter for being hotter than she is and next thing you know, Snow White is alive, thriving and creating her beauty empire.
With all of those Snowy Cosmetics at her disposal, Snow White will remain the fairest of the land long after the Evil Queen dies of unnatural causes. Gotta love karma.