ROOTIN' & TOOTIN' is real sex, dating, and life advice from a pretend cowboy. If you've got something weighing on your mind and you need the wisdom of someone pretending to have seen and done it all, wire us a telegram at [email protected]pedestrian.tv.

Hello T. Bartholomew “Hogs” Hogswallop!

So I’ve been casually meeting this ol’ cowboy from Tinder for a month or two now and it was nice at the start – he was sweet and actually engaging with me. So, I found myself growing attached. But now he doesn’t even message me at all. I have to message him to hang out – and when we do, we both just stay in his room playing his damn games. He’s not interested in engaging with me in the bedroom, I always have to tell him what to do.

He hasn’t been with anyone else as far as I know, but I can Never Trust A Cowboy, Ever. He gets affectionate with me; ie. holding hands and spooning — but that’s the bare minimum.

Should I move on and give myself some space? I feel like if I do hang out with other cowboys and then it turns out that he does have some feelings for me, I’ll feel like I’ve betrayed him.

Thanks,
Mae from Old Town Road


Howdy Mae, thank you kindly for reachin out to this old lonesome cowpoke with this here quandary what’s been troublin you.

If I told you that what you’ve described to me sounds like a pleasant arrangement, I’d be liar, and since I ain’t a liar, I won’t do that. I don’t need to be the one to tell you that a situation that makes you feel no good at all isn’t likely to bring you much joy, but we all know that sometimes we find ourselves powerfully drawn to folks even if it don’t make much sense to do so.

Doesn’t matter if it’s as casual as a game of horsehoes or as serious as a Quaker funeral, a relationship where one person is doin all the work of makin things happen just plain ain’t fair, no two ways about it. Not only is it an improper use of our short time on God’s green Earth, it also just plum won’t work. Maintaining a healthy and happy relationship is like carryin a horse — there ain’t no guarantee any two people are gonna be able to make it work, but it sure won’t happen if only one person is doin all the liftin.

As much as we can guess, there ain’t no way to see into the mind of another man. Could be your cowboy’s actin this way because he ain’t interested, or it could be somethin else entirely.  There are a lot of reasons that folks might be withdrawn and to assume would only be a waste of your time. Only way to know for sure where you stand is to ask.

Feller I used to know by the name of P.J. O’Hanrahan (caught one of them rare bird diseases and died on his toilet, God rest his soul) used to always say you can’t betray a person if you tell ’em what you’re about to do, and I reckon he had the measure of that right. As a man that spends a lot of time alone with his thoughts, I can tell you that the mind tends to assume the worst when we don’t clearly know the way of something. If you take up with another cowboy, I reckon a little voice in the back of your head is gonna whisper to you that you’ve done wrong, even if that ain’t the case. This puts us back here again: The only way to know for sure is to ask.

I make no pretenses towards knowin every detail about what you’re lookin at but I can tell you for certain that you do deserve an agreement with a partner where you’re made to feel wanted and treasured, where it’s not all waitin on you. As hard as it is to say goodbye to someone you care for, maybe callin it quits is the right answer here — but there’s no sense in doing so without making sure it’s the right decision first.

Sincerely yours,

Hogs


You can see more of what Hogs has to say on the matters that arise between folks right here.