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Dear Hogs,

What is the best way to bring up that you feel that the sex has become boring in a relationship?


Howdy partner, thank you for takin the time to reach out.

Friend, it’s my belief that oftentimes when someone asks you for advice on a difficult matter, they already know full well what they need to do, they’re just a-hoping you’ll tell ’em that they don’t have to do it.

There was a time way back when I drove cattle with a feller by the name of Dirt. ‘Dirt’, as you could maybe guess, was not the good Christian name that his folks saw fit to grant him but I can’t say I ever did hear what his true name was. Dirt was a mighty indecisive man. Never could make up his mind which way to go and was always askin others to tell him what he should do. ‘Cept of course, on some kind of a level, Dirt did know what he wanted, ’cause he’d keep askin different folks for advice until one of ’em just so happened to tell him what he wanted to hear, which by and large tended to be the easy way out of whatever fix he found himself in.

Even if you pay no mind to his untimely death at the hands of one very unhappy California grizzly, Dirt did not lead a particularly charmed life. I’ve always held that a man that shies away from what has to be done will spend his whole life occupied with the business of doin nothin at all.

I figure you asked me this question because you know what needs to be done but just don’t kindly want to hear it. Well, as a friend, it is my solemn duty to say: The best way to tell a person that you feel the sex has become boring is to do just that — to tell ’em.

I can tell you from personal experience that there’s a lot of ways for a person to get hurt. I’ve been kicked at by just about every kind of animal that’s ever had legs, been bit by just about everything that God gave teeth, and fell down just about every kind of geological feature that included a drop. After all that (and a hell of a lot more), what I’ve come to understand is that few things can hurt you more than being told that somethin ain’t quite good enough about you when it comes to sex.

For whatever reason, folks tend to tie up how they are in the bedroom to their sense of self-worth as tight as you’d tie up a bow on a Christmas gift. It’s more’n okay to tell someone if you’re not having the best time you could be havin, but it’s awful important to be sure you don’t make ’em feel like something the cat drug in in the process of doing so.

What’s important here is framin what’s the issue in terms of how you feel, not in terms of what your partner is or ain’t doin right. I don’t know as to how many folks have been gifted with psychic powers and I doubt your partner is one of ’em — they’re likely goin about the business of being having relations with you without a notion that you’re not entirely charmed by the process. The onus is on you to communicate it. That’s nobody’s job but yours.

Now this doesn’t have to be all that unpleasant either — few folks’d turn up their nose at a chance to do something new and interestin in a sexual manner with a partner to whom they have taken a shining. What you’re presentin to ’em doesn’t have to sound like a problem, it could well be an opportunity. Hell, there’s even a chance they’d felt the same way but didn’t know how to tell you that such was the case.

You could fret and fuss over the right time and place but the sooner you get this off your chest, the sooner you’ll feel better about it and the sooner you can get to enjoying the sex life you wish you had right now.

Yours sincerely,

T. Bartholomew “Hogs” Hogswallop


You can see more of what Hogs has to say on the matters that arise between folks right here.