Polyamorous relationships can be a difficult thing to comprehend, especially when the media constantly shoves heterosexual monogamy and happily ever afters down our pie holes. Things are slowly but surely changing when it comes to relationship representation of different shapes and sizes, though.

Nico Tortorella is helping champion this. While their role as Josh in Younger appears to be your typical straight, cisgender, monogamist male, Nico hasn’t shied away from their unconventional relationship status IRL.

The actor is forever open about their polyamorous relationship with wife Bethany Meyers – they have been together for over a decade – whether it’s on Instagram, podcast or in interviews. For anyone who can relate to being part of a relationship that’s not in the mainstream, this is so important.

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PEDESTRIAN.TV recently spoke with Nico about the world of polyamorous relationships, and they explained there are a couple of really important things to consider before inviting someone new into your existing couple.

First? Have open, and honest communication with your partner. Nico stresses:

Communicate, communicate, communicate. Just be honest, with yourself and with your partner. It’s not going to be easy at all, but it can be the most beautiful thing in the world.

Second? Don’t look it as an “easy out”.

If you’re already in a relationship, make sure that you want to bring other people in and not just stop sleeping [with], or stop being interested in, the person you’re already in a relationship with. Right? Because if you’re just looking for a way out, that’s the first step to a disaster.

And last but not least, assess the security in the relationship.

I don’t think anyone is 100% enough for anyone,” Nico says.

“I just don’t think that that makes sense. I mean, if we were 100% enough, we wouldn’t have friends, we wouldn’t talk to our family members. If your partner is making you feel insecure about anything, then that’s a much bigger problem that needs to be talked about then, you know, sleeping with other people.”

Nico also said that, being in a polyamorous relationship, there are some confused misconceptions about what it all means.

“People think I’m sleeping with a bunch of people all the time and that’s simply not the case,” Nico revealed, noting that they hadn’t slept with someone else in nine months at the time of the interview.

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I am actually like a serial monogamist inside of my polyamorous relationship. I like to only date like, one other person at a time outside of my primary relationship.

Nico is also a demisexual –  someone who doesn’t experience sexual attraction unless there’s a strong emotional connection.

“It takes a lot for me to fall in love with somebody, and have sex with somebody. Like I need to be completely, emotionally attached – and that can take a little bit.”

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Nico made it very clear in the interview that polyamory looks and feels different to everyone. For Nico, the most beautiful thing about polyamorous relationships is “the ability to create space”.

That is so much more than sexual space. It’s intimate space and I put love at the top of the food chain – sex is just a byproduct of love, and once you start breaking down relationships that way, the sexuality of a relationship becomes less important – to me, personally.

Image: Instagram / @nicotortorella