Safe words, whether used in a sexual scenario or a lie-down-skateboarding scenario, are important.


i need to go home and watch rod hot now

The actual word you pick isn’t that important but having one is. It seems especially apt to be discussing safe words at the moment, considering the ongoing conversation we’re having around consent.

As serious a business as they are, there’s just something funny about safe words.

Picking a good one is difficult. You need it to be a clear indication that you want things to stop, so you don’t want it to be too sexy. That said, go with something completely off and you run the risk of ruining the libidinous mood entirely. (Unless you want that to happen, and if so, slug, gurgle or phlegm will do it.)

If you’re looking for inspiration, it’s here. Sex shop and online adult store Lovehoney surveyed 3,000 people from their customer base across Australia, UK and USA. They asked horny customers to list their favourite safe words, to coincide with the launch of their BDSM collection, Fifty Shades Freed: Official Pleasure Collection.

The results are… surprisingly tame, actually. Colours and fruits came out on top, while more unusual answers saw the President of the United States and the deceased King of Pop cop a mention.

Top 10 Used Safe Words
Red
Pineapple
Banana
Orange
Peach
Apple
Vanilla
Yellow
Blue
Unicorn

Top Celebrity Safe Words
Donald Trump (u wot)
Justin Bieber
Michael Jackson

Top Fictional Character Safe Words
Elmo
Tinkerbell
Betty Boop

Top Harry Potter Reference Safe Words
(Yes, there’s literally a category for this, you moist muggles)
Dobbie
Hufflepuff

Top Safe Words We Had to Look Up
Trabeculectomy (a surgical procedure to one’s eye)
Filibuster (a political procedure)
Glottis (a part of your larynx)
Chupacubra (a legendary folklore creature… please Google image this one)


you

Just imagine, midway through some light spanking and your partner turns around and hisses CHUPACUBRA! through gritted teeth. You wouldn’t just stop… You’d probably flee the country.