There are a lot of sex things you’re *meant* to love, but being experimental in the bedroom has to be the top one. These days, we’re all meant to be these hyper-sexual beings who wanna try every goddamn thing and enjoy the craziest sexual positions. I’m here to be honest – if it came down to a choice of one sex position for the rest of my life, I’d choose missionary.
The missionary position gets the worst rap of all sex positions. I mean, let’s start with the name – coined, apparently, by Kinsey in Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male, it connotes visions of Christian missionaries having stale, boring sex in like, a really boring farm-house and when they come they just scrunch their faces up a tiny bit and make a squeaking noise. The term “missionary” just doesn’t sound sexy.
It also gets a bad rap because it’s usually how most of us have sex for the first time – it’s basic. It’s entry-level stuff in the wide world of sex. Everyone knows how to do missionary! You don’t even need to be flexible or have good leg muscles for it!
For years I pretended being on top was my favourite sex position but it’s not. It’s not – I was lying to myself and to everyone else. Whether it’s no-strings sex or relationship sex, whatever type it may be, missionary wins every time for me and here’s why.
Quick PSA: the definition of missionary differs when we’re discussing male-male or female-female sexual partnerships. I don’t have experience in these areas so I won’t assume to know! Instead I asked a few LGBT friends and have been told that missionary has a similar bad rap when it comes to male-male sex, while for lesbian sex my friend Jenna said she’s “never heard of lesbians talking about missionary”, and deduced the closest thing might be using a strap-on.
I guess substitute “missionary” for “position considered most beige”?
1. It’s Intimate
Look, I can appreciate a good DTF moment where no feelings are involved and we’re just getting it on for the sake of it, OK? I’ve been there – it’s fun. But I still think it’s MORE fun if it’s a bit intimate.
It doesn’t have to mean you’re making a romantic connection, there’s just something really nice about being face-to-face with your sexual partner, breathing their breaths (the only time this isn’t disgusting, IMO) and seeing their facial reactions.
2. There’s A Control Thing There
I like a bit of throw-down in the bedroom, by which I mean I like to be the subordinate one. Not necessarily in a BDSM sense, just that my sexual partner is the one in control. That’s my preference, so for me missionary rules because I feel dominated.
3. It Feels Good
This might be TMI (lol this entire article is TMI) but I orgasm the most in missionary – obviously everyone’s body is different but for me, missionary is the sex position that does it for me so that’s a lot of the reason I like it.
4. It Doesn’t Make Me Rip A Tendon
Okay, I can agree that *some* more complicated sex positions are fun and feel great. But Christ, at what cost? Honestly I do not like fitness and am terrible at stretching – I have no flexibility in my hamstrings, for example. When things get too wild in the bedroom I wind up with an injury, and that is just not a fun time.
Missionary never gives you an injury! Unless you’re that woman whose sex partner got his dick caught on her IUD….
5. Overall, Let’s Stop Shaming…
On a serious note – the fact I felt like loving missionary made me vanilla and was too basic a thing to share with people is pretty shit, and speaks volumes about how we treat sex these days. It’s like the sexual revolution has pushed us too far into the wild side of sex, where we then decide people who don’t enjoy kinks and adventurous rooting are boring.
I think overall, how you enjoy sex is really down to what you and your sexual partner decide – and we shouldn’t let the concept of sexual freedom become a burden for those who enjoy the less adventurous positions, you know? I don’t give a shit these days but I’m sure plenty of people still feel awkward about the fact they love what’s considered to be the “vanilla” position, and that’s not very inclusive of us is it?
Here’s to great sex, whatever position that may be in.Image: Titanic