Are you lovely humans struggling to get it going in the boudoir? Or the kitchen bench, or the shower, or wherever else your heart and privates desire?

We all know that when it comes (ayy) to the female orgasm there’s no pre-determined list of instructions to cum every time, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make sure you’re not left lying there grumpy and sweaty with no release.

We want you to get reaaaally deep and figure out what it is that’s stopping you from hitting that big O. So we’re gonna get down and dirty to talk you through the nitty gritty details at PEDESTRIAN.TV’s Selfish Weekend presented by The House of Angostura.

That’s right: it’s gonna be a lengthy, satisfying session teaching you how to jet your juices and reach that finish line. If you want a little advice, sexologist Heidi Gee is here to open your floodgates in her talk, How To Cum 101.

What will you be learning about, pray tell? According to Heidi, we’ll hear all about “female orgasm, the benefits and what happens to the body when aroused.” You can also book a personal consultation with her if the urge tickles your fancy – she’s brimming with knowledge so uh, sign us up.

Not sure if it’s for you? As Heidi’s website says, “We see a doctor when we are sick, an optometrist to have our eyes checked  or a dentist for our teeth so it makes sense to see a sex therapist when we are having issues relating specifically to our sexual health.”

It doesn’t matter what your relationship status is – whether you’re loved up or loving yourself, knowing your body is the most important thing when it cums to cumming.

We’ve come a long way with breaking the taboo when it comes to female sexuality and how fucking good feels to actually be open, but there’s still a long way to go.

There’s so much we’re not actually taught about what sex can be like – did you know that the female body is genetically designed to ejaculate? You could’ve been squirting all over the place this whole time.

Once upon a time doctors used to prescribe flicking the bean to cure ‘female hysteria’ (and look, despite the fact that that’s wildly sexist, if your doctor told you that getting myself off would cure all your issues would you complain?), so now we’re prescribing this talk to make sure you’re hitting every last crescendo.

So peek in to this panel at Sydney’s La Porte Space on the 16th and 17th of March to reach a satisfying conclusion to your orgasm-empty past. Tickets are available HERE, so get them fast… Faster… FASTER…

Ahem. You’re wellcum.

You won’t be walking away from this weekend empty handed, folks, thanks to our amazing sponsors fillin’ up your complimentary gift bag: The House of AngosturaSwarovskiark swimwearboohooMcVitie’s Flipz , Horny Goat WeedYo ProSanta VittoriaHASKFitness ShowLifestyles & Full Time Flex.

Image: Forgetting Sarah Marshall