If there was one dating trend that can just get in the fucking bin, it’s ghosting. Just disappearing on someone with no reasoning whatsoever, ignoring their texts and calls? That shit is brutal.

Sometimes, ghosting is, well… fine. Not texting back after you’ve been on a couple of dates and you’re not feeling it isn’t GREAT behaviour, but it’s not that bad.

These are not those stories, though. This is the upper echelons of the ghosting world. This is the GOOD SHIT.

Fuck all of these guys/girls and I hope they all end up alone forever. Here we go.

THE KEBAB THIEF

I met this guy at a bar. Drinking and dancing ensued. At around midnight he says “Hey, I know of a really good kebab shop down the road” and nothing says romance like a drunken kebab with a guy you have only seen in dimly-lit lighting, right? I was hungry, so we stumbled down. He was clearly a regular as knew exactly what to order, and was on first name terms with the guy working there.

I paid for both of us, and he told me to go sit down and he would wait for our kebab order. After a while, I realised these kebabs were taking their sweet-ass time, so went to suss it out and the guy had gone. I asked the kebab guy where he went (and more importantly, where my kebab went) and he denied me ever ordering a kebab despite me having handed him my money. After some drunk swearing, I asked for the manager – who thankfully made me a free kebab.

Lou, 29.

THE INTERNATIONAL TRAVEL GHOSTER

I met a guy while travelling through a new friend, instantly clicked, and we hung out a lot while I was over in London. We eventually planned to meet up in Japan the year after.

I went home back to normal life, but we Skyped regularly and chatted on Whatsapp constantly. We sent each other packages of Aussie and British things – and actually planned our Japan trip. I booked Airbnb‘s and the Ghibli museum for us. ONE MONTH BEFORE THE TRIP, I was getting no responses from him all of a sudden.

At first I was like “Okay girl, chill, it’s fine“, but then he started to read my messages and ignore them. It got to two weeks out from the trip, and I just sent him a message saying something along the lines of:

“Thanks for ignoring me and taking the gutless way out, I wouldn’t have cared if I had just met you and went out once or whatever, but we literally have been Skyping each other and chatting and booking a trip for months and now I will be going to Japan all by myself, because you’re too much of a child to just tell me you don’t want to go or see me or hang out with me or even just be my friend.”

He never replied, I blocked him on everything, and was very over it very quickly. By the way, my Japan trip was awesome.

THE LAST CHRISTMASSER

After nearly a year of dating, I got ‘Last Christmassed’. On Boxing Day, after nearly a year of dating and having just spent Xmas together, my GF at the time “went to see her dad” and then dropped off the face of the earth.
wo weeks of no contact – despite me messaging on every known network thinking I’d done something wrong – she got back in touch. The only reason she did was because I called her sister and was like “please fuck, just end the torture what the hell is going on”.

Turns out she just didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Fair enough, but instead of breaking up with me she just peaced the fuck out. The end.

Joel, 25.

THE GUY WHO FIRES YOU AFTER YOU HOOK UP

David and I had been best friends all through university, which was over five years. We spent hours listening to records and drinking wine and watching movies with subtitles, all the pretentious art student things. Eventually we started a little community radio show together. He had a girlfriend, and there were no feels between us.

One day he announced that he’d split with said girlfriend, and I commiserated with him over sushi. Halfway through the night it occurred to me that he thought this was some kind of… date.

He was openly flirting with me, and eventually told me that he always thought that if he wasn’t with his GF, he’d have been with me. Well two bottles of wine and one Bob Dylan record later I drunkenly had, “What if The One has been right in front of me all along?” thoughts. It was the wine. So we hooked up, and it was actually super awesome.

A week goes by, I don’t hear from him, and we used to talk daily. Finally I email him – email! – since he’s ignoring my calls. I get an email back which in a sentence, said that he’d gotten back with his girlfriend, couldn’t see me again, and by the way I was fired from the radio show.

I literally never saw him again, despite trying repeatedly to get back the the pretentious art films I’d left at his house. To this day, years later, I’m super angry at him. What an asshole.
Jessie, 29.

THE FOREVER GHOST

So I met a guy on a dating app a couple of years ago. We matched and seemed to have heaps in common. We spoke for hours at a time really getting to know each other, and chatted everyday for about 2 months. He then went on a work trip to China, but we spoke every day whilst he was overseas – for 3 months! The only time we weren’t in contact was during flights.

When he came back to Australia, the same day he returned he wanted to meet. After months of chatting I was finally going to meet this person who I had basically had a second life relo with. We went out and it was awkward but still so good. We had an awesome evening which turned into some lovely cuddling out the front of the kebab shop after several drinks.

Then I invited him back to mine and it was on – we spent pretty much close to every weekend/night we weren’t working together. We spent Valentine’s Day together. We shared deep, dark secrets together.

I left for America a few weeks after our first date. I was away for 2 weeks, but once again we were talking every day except for transit days. I returned back to Australia really excited to see this guy who I was kinda thinking I’d probably start a relationship with.

A few days go past and I hit him up to have lunch. He accepted and then bailed, then I hit him up for drinks, he accepted and then bailed. I was just under the impresh that work was very busy – we were still chatting everyday. But there was a weird vibe.

I invited him to come and have a drink at mine one day after work. I wasn’t knocking off until 10pm but said he could come by after. He honestly seemed so excited to see me. At 10pm he said he was on his way. I stayed up until 2am (!!!) waiting for him. Complete no show. I literally never heard from him ever again.

Plot twist? I deleted him off all social media and got rid of his number because the lack of closure was killing me. About a year later I matched with his work colleague. I had no idea as I’d never met any of his workmates, and since we weren’t FB friends I didn’t see he was a mutual. It’s now three years later, and his work pal and I are still together – and Mike has to see me at events and ghosts me to my face – as in, he literally looks right through me and refuses to acknowledge me at all. Lol.

THE GIRL WHO ENDS UP ON A REALITY DATING SHOW

I was dating a girl for a couple of months – things were definitely still unofficial, but we’d been out a lot and it felt like it was heading toward something serious. Then, out of nowhere, she cools on me. At first she was replying to texts with short, abrupt answers. You know, “yeah”, “nah”, “haha”. After a while I stopped texting her because I was starting to feel stupid, and she never texted again.

Well, “she” texted – I got a very formal text that began with “Dear Sam…” that was essentially her blowing me off. It read extremely weirdly in comparison to her other texts, not to mention it came through weeks after she stopped speaking to me.

A month later I see her face on a TV ad – turns out she’d gotten on Married At First Sight, and that final text was (I assume) written by a producer for her to bulk-send to anyone she had been dating. Cool.

Sam, 27