I used to think fuck closure was only about breakup sex – you know, when a long-term couple split but have sex one last time just to revel in those intimate feels.
But no. Fuck closure covers SO many more sexytimes moments than just breakup sex. I worked this out when I was telling a colleague about this time I went on a second date with a guy SIX YEARS after our first date – we never boned, and I very much had the ulterior motive of sealing the deal, as long as he was also up for it.
“That’s fuck closure,” my colleague Louis said to me.
At first I didn’t agree because fuck closure to me meant breakup sex (see above). But then I thought about it – essentially, I wanted to have sex with this guy because I was curious. Once we boned, the interest kind of wore off (mutually), and we went our separate ways.
I’ve thought long and hard (lol) about it now, and these are all fuck closure scenarios, IMO.
1. Right After You Break Up
Let’s start with the obvious. Some couples just need to fuck one last time to get it out of their system. Or several times. Or for months. Whatever! It’s fine! As long as both parties are vibing the no-strings sex and aren’t in it with a LOT of strings involved, you’re good.
I distinctly remember this time I knew my boyfriend and I were breaking up, we had a very intense chat that indicated we had no future, and then we had the hottest sex of our relationship. Sometimes fuck closure is fun, guys. Even if you cry at the end of it.
2. Revisiting Someone You Never Fucked
This was my situation – going back to someone you dated and then stopped dating, but never actually sealed the deal with. Now, I’m not talking about like, coercing someone into sex – I mean there’s this unspoken (or spoken) mutual interest in getting naked together.
Sometimes this leads to actual dating again! Usually, in my experience and from what I’ve heard, it doesn’t – there’s often a reason you fizzled on the dating front and sex isn’t going to get rid of whatever problems were around.
3. Revisiting An Ex Who Broke Your Heart
OOFT. Tread carefully here, folks. But there is sometimes some fuck closure in having sex with an ex who absolutely pummelled your heart to pieces, but this time you’re having sex with no feelings.
The trick here is to ACTUALLY have no feelings left for them. If you have sex with an ex who broke you and you still hold a flame? Welcome to a week’s worth of sobbing, mate. It will not be a fun time. Do not go there.
4. Boning Your High School Sweetheart
Oh HELL yes, this is a mood – getting down and dirty with your chaste high school partner! I’m talking about your high school love who you barely held hands with, let alone got freaky with. The year 7 one you “dated” for 3 weeks, you know?
I’ve never done this because in high school I was a fucking nerd alert 3000 who had a Harry Potter website to run, bitch, with absolutely no time for boys. But if you can track down your adorable high school love and they’re DTF, by god get it.
5. Getting Down With An Old Crush
Remember that guy/girl you were pining after for weeks in 2015? You worked out their birth date even though you weren’t Facebook friends, just so you could deduce if you were astrologically compatible? And now you still think they’re kinda cute, but you’re not deeply “in love” with them?
Sometimes a bit of fuck closure is a GREAT time with an old crush. You get to revisit those warm and fuzzy feelings but aren’t left brokenhearted if they never text you back.