Most of us stash our sex toys deep within the confines of a bottom drawer. Maybe yours go under the bed. Whatever the case, we don’t *really* want people (read: parents, family members, the landlord) spotting a dildo or fleshlight lying on our bedside table. Or maybe you do, in which case all power to you and I LIVE for your level of self-confidence.
The deepest fear is forgetting to pack away your vibrator or whatever and then someone you really don’t want privy to your private sex life spotting it. But! Did you know there are loads of sex toys that don’t even… look like sex toys?
We’ve rounded up some of the best (and often most lol) ~discreet~ sex toys, in case you’re in the market for one.
Okay, if you have kids *maybe* don’t buy this one – but a little toy duck sitting on your bathtub! No one’s going to guess that’s actually giving you multiple orgasms. Is it weird? Yes. Would anyone guess it’s a sex toy? Doubt it.
We guess you’re meant to carry this around in your handbag, which is kind of excellent tbh. Props for making a device you can just whip out of your bag during sexy hour at someone’s house. Also, you could throw this (lid on) on your bedside table and no one would be the wiser.
Put them in your jewellery stash and they could pass as a tangled necklace/bracelet set.
This has to be the most discreet Fleshlight in existence – although you *do* run the risk of a mate picking it up thinking it’s beer, and then discovering it’s… not.
Yes it’s a dildo made out of amethyst. It’s meant to encourage calmness, balance and peace – but it can also sit happily on your hall table and be mistaken for a decorative item. Sort of.
Lube usually looks like, well, LUBE. But this one could pass as a face serum tbh – in fact, someone we know told us their boyfriend USED IT ON HIS FACE ONCE, thinking it was moisturiser. So there you go.
Is it a handcuff? Or a cute… door hanger?
Does this look like one of those fancy oil burner thingies, or does it LOOK LIKE ONE OF THOSE FANCY OIL BURNER THINGIES.
This is less of an actual sex toy, but basically a Yoni Egg is meant to be put up your vagina to aid in increased blood flow, and an improved connection to the body. Can also be used when you’re doing your kegels.
If you live in fear of leaving your strap-on out for all to see, these basically could pass as regular knickers – obviously on close inspection it’s pretty obvious what they are (and if you left the dildo in you’re screwed), but who would be picking up your dirty undies and inspecting them?
Why not WEAR your vibrator around your neck?
A random gold diamond lying around isn’t *entirely* subtle, but it definitely doesn’t look like a straight up abandoned vibrator.Image: Womanizer