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You’ve probably heard this analogy before: going on a first date is like going for a job interview – you’ve gotta convince them you’re not as boring as Kristen Stewart during a press junket. From pretending you have “hobbies” other than eating horizontally to reversing your resting bitch face when asked what music you’re into (please don’t), it’s all one big fat lie until you’ve convinced them to “go steady” or whatever the fuck the term is for locking them down these days.

What I’m getting at is, first dates are hard enough as it is, happen regularly thanks to the likes of Tinder, and don’t need any further obstacles on top of our mundane personalities. No matter how much you plan the night out, sometimes the unforeseeable happens – a relative, friend or (deep breath) ex bumps right on into you and your date. Hell. Below, dear daters, is the best way to get through such a circumstance relatively unscathed.


The worst possible thing you could do is try and describe who your date is to the person you bumped into. No “This is my FRIEND Jake” or “This is my DATE Jessica” – keep it simple and don’t feel inclined to outline your relationship to one another, to them. You’ll find that most people won’t pry and question how you two know one other. Noone wants to assume a Tinder date when you’re simply exchanging niceties with your cousin, you know?


You want this conversation to be over before it’s started, no matter who it is. There’s a time and a place for you to catch up with whoever you’ve stumbled upon from your past, but you should be focusing on the present, and (if you play your cards right) potentially even the future. In fact, making a near-future plan could be a way to get rid of them. “We’ll have to catch up soon. I’ll message you” is a nice and tactful way to fuck them right off. Other options? “I was actually just on my way to the bathroom!” or “I better let you go.” Doesn’t matter what your exit strategy is, just think of it fast, or at least before they have the chance to shit all over a potential relationship.


Once you’ve gotten rid of the person, it’s only natural for your date to ask who they were. In a night full of awkward silences, they’re of course going to grab an opportunity to cut through it. I would / do. Remember that the person you’re on a date with is virtually a stranger who doesn’t deserve life details until at least date number three. I don’t care if you’ve bumped into an ex boyfriend – that’s information best kept to yourself – don’t share it with the 10/10 sitting across from you. Shrug it off as someone you went to school with an move the fuck on with the situation at hand.

Let’s be real here – even if you’re not totally vibing what’s in front of you, everyone wants to be invited back for a second ~interview~.

But who knows? You might’ve even found your dream position. If not, there’s anyway this Tinder ‘Profile Of The Month’ comp that’ll get your beaut face out to the masses. Go on, enter.


Image: She's Out Of My League