If you’re single and out in the dating world rn, I’m going to hedge a strong bet that you’ve either said the words “I’m not looking for anything serious right now” or you’ve been on the receiving end. Yep, I’m talking about casual dating. It’s hard to avoid in 2018, and if you’re up for no-strings hanging out and hooking up, it can also be heaps of fun.
Orrrrr it can be an absolute trash-fire of dealing with giant man-babies/lady-babies who fuck you over 4000 times and then use the excuse “but it’s casual” to justify their shitty behaviour. They’re the folks who take hours to text you back, will ask you out day-of, and kick you out of their house at 3am.
Look. Obviously entering into a casual relationship/dating thing means some of the usual dating expectations are off the table. This is not your boyfriend/girlfriend, it’s someone you’ve agreed to see in a relaxed fashion, which means things like “I only see you once a week” and “WTF, you’re on Tinder” and so on are not really issues you’re allowed to have (but if those things bother you, end it and move along m8! Back yourself 2018).
However, somewhere along the way with this trend, we stopped treating people we get naked with respectfully, and started using casual dating as an excuse to be an actual piece of human shit. It’s not cool.
Here are some shitty things people do under the banner of “but we’re casual”. DO NOT DO THESE THINGS. And if you are already doing them, stop pls. Be a good person. No one wants to be called a pissy baby to their s.o’s friends in the group chat, yeah?
LEAVING PEOPLE HANGING
You *might* be doing the no-plans kind of casual dating, but if you are actively going out with this person (as in, dating them not just fucking them), then you should still be respectful of their time and, you know, organising shit. Texting them at 3pm on a Friday to see if they want to go to the movies after you mentioned going to the movies sometime during the week on Monday (this is totally not a personal anecdote, no way) is NOT RESPECTY. It’s downright rude as shit.
You don’t have to make plans in a casual thing, some casual things are just “u up?” at 2am. But if you *do* mention the making of a plan, just follow through with the making of a plan in an organised fashion, ya feel?
PLAYING SILLY BUGGERS WITH THE TEXTS
I do not care what you say – we are all on our bloody phones 24-fucking-7 these days. You have it next to you at work. In your hand on the bus. You’re scrolling Instagram while you watch TV. Sure, given you’re casual and therefore are not obsessed with this person you’re seeing, you don’t need to reply to texts immediately. But fuck off with the mind games of text/text back/text/DISAPPEAR FOR FOUR HOURS. It’s stupid, like part of casual dating is *avoiding* games, right? Just text people the fuck back.
TREATING SOMEONE LIKE A WALKING DICK/VAGINA
If your casual is of the sex variety, unless you’ve agreed that sleepovers aren’t part of your deal – offer half your damn bed to the person you just boned, OK? It’s probably 1am, Ubers are expensive, and it’s just bloody courtesy. Sleeping over doesn’t mean they’re going to drug you, drag you to City Hall and force you to marry them. It’s just being polite.
TALKING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE YOU LIKE
Okay so obviously a huge part of being casual is the freedom to date others. So go forth and date/fuck whoever you want. But do your casual buddy a favour and don’t tell them about it? It’s fucking weird. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that no one – not even the most chilly-chillerson-I’m-so-chill-I’m-a-sea-cucumber – wants to hear the person naked in bed next to them going on about how hot this dude/chick they met on the weekend is.
LEAVING PEOPLE ON READ
Going back to the texting thing – don’t ignore a casual dating person’s DM’s and messages, OK? If you don’t like the person to the level that you literally don’t want to interact with them outside of the bedroom, you need to make it clear from the outset that mid-week chatting isn’t your vibe – and if they don’t get the message, be the bigger person and end that toxic thing, bc they clearly like you more than you like them.
If, however, you *do* enjoy this person’s company, have the respect to reply to things or acknowledge you saw the message, be it a meme tag on FB or a reply to your Insta Story. Again – NO GAMES.
THE BOTTOM LINE?
Respect is not off the table when it comes to casual dating/hook ups. “Casual” isn’t code for “I get to treat this person like a bag of shit“. That whole thing about doing unto others as you’d like done to yourself is I *think* from The Bible and I don’t reckon Jesus is super cool with casual hook ups, but the point is valid. If you would like to feel respected and like, well, a human being, then you should treat someone you’re seeing in any capacity with that same respect. THE END.