It’s an undisputed fact that the internet peaked when it revolutionised how we accessed porn, and has been on a downward trajectory ever since.
Now, however, we’re starting to see a reversal (and we don’t mean for the memes, a.k.a. Satan’s bad gags). The rise of sexual education on the internet has brought things like consent, female pleasure, and one trillion articles on ‘how to do anal’ to the forefront, which definitely weren’t discussed in your average Sex Ed class.
In that vein, award-winning sexologist Dr Jess O’Reilly popped over to Reddit for a NSFW AMA, and answered all of the internet’s questions about sex they were either too embarrassed or too cheap to fork out for a sex therapist to ask.
Here’s the top six Q&As.
1. How to achieve the elusive multiple orgasm (for men).
Q: How can you go from a “one and done” guy to a multi-cumming sex monster? (From Reddit user ellendeepthroats.)
Dr Jess: “While most orgasms are accompanied by ejaculation in men, it is not the sensation of fluid expulsion via spinal reflex that produces the wave of pleasure and release of sexual tension associated with orgasm. These gratifying sensations can actually be enjoyed without ejaculation in an experience often referred to as a dry orgasm.
“If you’d like to explore the possibility of having dry orgasms, the first step is to tone your PC muscle. As this area becomes stronger, you can experiment with several approaches to dry orgasm using your PC muscle:
“Squeeze tightly and flex for a few seconds when you feel orgasm is impending. When you release, you may still experience the wave of orgasmic pleasure and involuntary contractions.
“Wait until you reach the point of ejaculatory inevitability to flex your PC muscle and hold it while breathing deeply until the inclination to ejaculate subsides.
“Another option to experiment with dry orgasms involves a slow technique called Edging. Edging refers to bringing yourself right to the brink of orgasm several times without allowing yourself to go over the edge. Stimulate yourself however you please and stop as soon as you feel as though you are about to climax. Breathe slowly and deeply as you retreat to a less stimulating technique or area until the urge to ejaculate subsides. Repeat this process several times. With practice, some men find that they eventually experience orgasmic sensations without ejaculation during the retreat period.”
2. How to ask your partner to get their kink on.
Q: How can you tell your partner that you really wanna be pegged / choked / get wrapped up tight in plastic and fucked [delete as applicable] if you’re a touch embarrassed?
Dr Jess: “I really like using pop culture references — if you see something on TV or in a movie that piques your interest, use the scene as a conversation-starter. It often feels less threatening when you use this approach.
“You can also frame it as a dream. “Oh I had this dream about ________. What do you think about that?”
“It’s okay to have a laugh over sexual conversations — it doesn’t always have to be serious.”
PSA: if rimming was your thing, there were about 1000 references to it in pop culture in 2016, so you’re in extreme luck.
3. How to keep ya dick hard.
Q: How do you prevent outside stress from causing erectile disfunction? (From Reddit user sexquipoop69).
Dr Jess: “Your issue is so common! Don’t worry – you’ll get over it. Have you ever taken a mindfulness class/webinar? Learning to be “present” outside of the bedroom (even just one class) can be helpful. If you find the problem persists (I don’t think it will), you might also consider CBT (you can see a therapist or just use an app — the goal is for you to become your own therapist).
“You might also consider a cock ring – it’s more of a “band-aid” solution, but it’s also fun and can make sex hotter!”
4. How long after unprotected sex you should get tested for STIs.
Q: Can you do it all at once? Or do you have to keep doing back?
(Honestly, just a quick shout-out to the Australian medical system for allowing us to visit a doctor and ask these questions FOR FREE.)
Dr Jess: “STIs have different incubation periods, which means that some take longer to show up in terms of symptoms and test results. Check out this handy chart. Everyone should get tested regularly even if you’re using condoms. You’ll need to ask your healthcare practitioner which STIs they’re testing for (often you’re not tested for HPV, for example, if you’re not showing symptoms).”
5. How to stay focused while boning.
Q: How do you stop getting distracted in the middle of sexy times?
Dr Jess: “It’s common. Some of us are easily distracted. Sensory overload can help to keep her in the moment:
- “Blindfold her or make sure the room is pitch black.
- “Play loud music to drown out any sounds from next door.
- “Talk in her ear – find out what she likes to hear and tease out a fantasy to help her to escape from reality
- “Read a sexy story or watch couples porn together. Just like watching a TV show or movie (e.g. horror film) evokes real emotion, so too can sexy storylines.”
6. And finally – how the clitoris works.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SEND THIS TO EVERY PERSON YOU KNOW WHO’S INTO VAGINAS.
Dr Jess: “They can be one in the same in some cases.
“The clitoris has several parts — inside and outside of the body.
“The head of the clitoris is located at the top of the vulva (where the lips meet). It’s attached to a shaft (which gets erections) and is covered by the hood.
“Inside of the body, the clitoris has legs and bulbs which can be stimulated through the lips, but also via the vagina (the legs “wrap around” the vaginal canal).
“More women report reaching orgasm from “clitoral” stimulation that from vaginal stimulation alone, but because you can stimulate the inner clitoris through the vagina, sometimes it’s difficult to differentiate between the two.
Here’s a bit of info about nerve pathways from my book, The New Sex Bible:
“‘The pelvic nerve transmits sensations from the vagina and cervix in women and the rectum and bladder in both men and women; the vagus nerve communicates signals from the cervix, uterus and vagina bypassing the spinal cord; the pudendal nerve carries information from the clitoris, penis and scrotum; the hypogastric nerve transmits data from the uterus, cervix and prostate.’
“There is a lot more that you might be surprised to learn about the clitoris.” PREACH.
FYI, this is a very real 3D-printed model of the clitoris that French kids are using to learn about pleasure:
For one of the greatest monologues about the clitoris in television history, watch this part from the BBC‘s seminal early naughties sitcom ‘Coupling‘ (Skip to 5:59.)
Read the full AMA here.
Photo: Bad Teacher.