Oh lordy. We have reached a new + dark place in the realm of human relationships. An ironically-shaped black hole is sucking out all that was once pure in this world and leaving only the dregs behind, and by that we mean… breakup photoshoots.


Do you remember when ‘The Bachelor‘ couple Blake and Louise ended things, and they celebrated with a poignant photoshoot in New Idea? I mean, as tragic as that was, at least they probably got paid for it.

Well, an unknown couple from the United States have also done a break-up shoot and chances are they ~didn’t~ get paid for it, unless you can be paid in faves and retweets, in which case… congrats? You’ve discovered a new sustainable food source.

“My buddy from wmu [Western Michigan University] took ‘break up photos’ ??” tweeted William Depew, posting the said photos to Twitter. “Like they broke up. And took photos.”

We’re don’t know their names, so let’s just call them Brad and Stacey.

Here we can see Stacey mournfully pressing her face against Brad’s cheek. It’s not quite a kiss, but perhaps a reminder of lazy mornings spent in bed, inhaling each other’s sandalwood sent before deciding which farmer’s market is likely to have the ginger snaps Brad loves so much.

Here we see Stacey and Brad acting out the final stages of their relationship. Their body language is sad, resigned; I still love you but I don’t know how to be with you. I didn’t want to look through your phone. I’ve told you, Jessica is just a friend.

And in this final shot, we see Brad hugging the knees of his former lover Stacey, who seems just about done with this shit. Don’t go, Brad says. I’m sorry, I love you. My knees are killing, did you get the shot yet?

Young love, so poised for tragedy. Love is a smoke made with the fume of sighs.

The reactions to William’s tweet have been pretty much what you’d expect.

He eventually retweeted himself, diminishing people for making fun of that which he himself made fun of in the first place.

Oh William. Don’t be that guy.

In the interest of total transparency, Cosmopolitan tracked down the couple in the shoot. Their names are Harrison and Jackie, and they took the photoshoot ironically a full year after they broke up.
But they’ll always be Brad and Stacey to us <3.
Photo: Twitter / William Depew.