Ok let’s be real here – you’re deadset lying if you haven’t covertly hidden something ~embarrassing~ from your partner. Farting in bed? Hell no, not until we’re a solid six months in and you’ve already seen me projectile vomit out of my face after a bad meal. I will not let fluffy off the chain in front of you until I am right and ready.
Really, there’s a lot of stuff that people essentially hide from their significant other – all of which are absolutely valid concerns. But once we start talking about it with others, we begin to realise that a lot of other people do the same things, and that we shouldn’t be ashamed of our bodies or our wants and needs in a relationship.
BODY HAIR
Ah, the old quick-shave before seeing the loved one, what a classic. Many people that I spoke to (note, predominantly non-male identifying – what does that say about our ideals of beauty?) said that for the first few months of a new relationship, they hid the fact that they have body hair from a partner.
Hours of showers spent bent in weird positions to try and remove every hair, regular appointments to wax, tweeze, and laser off hair in places that we’re led to believe hair should *not* be, we’re guilty of it all.
We’ve already discussed that body hair is a big insecurity that a lot of us have, and it’s an extremely valid thing to be worried about. But the sooner we realise that body hair is just a thing that happens, the more comfortable we’re going to be around those that we’re tryna smooch (and everyone, really).
MENSTRUATION
For those of us that bleed, this can be a really personal time that we don’t like to share with others. Maybe it’s because we’ve been conditioned to think that period blood is somehow dirtier than other blood that comes out of our bods, but there’s a tendency to hide our menstrual hygiene stuff from our partners.
Some people don’t speak about when they’re in the bleeding phase of their cycle, and others have flat lied about why they don’t want to have sex during that time (in fear of seeming gross or not wanting to have the conversation about period sex with their partner).
What’s important, however, is that we should be open about this kind of stuff, so we have someone else who can keep an eye on us in case our cycles become irregular and concerning. Or if you’re like me and every now and again you end up on the floor in pain from your ovaries seemingly wanting to pack up and leave your body.
FEET
Ok yeah fair enough this is a pretty common one, and I guess a lot of it stems from peoples’ genuine uneasiness at feet. But some people actively try and hide their feet, or don’t like to go through their podiatry routines with someone else around. Doing a Baby Foot foot mask? You better believe you’re not gunna see me for a solid week so you don’t think I’m literally falling apart as all the skin on my feet peels off. Soz.
MAKE UP & HAIR
A lot of people are guilty of this, and it once again loops into the idea that we have to look fuckin’ flawless at every moment of the day. People have told me stories of waking up early next to their partner, ducking to the bathroom to refresh a ~natural~ make-up look, and then quietly crawling back into bed. Realistically, people don’t wake up like Beyoncé. Hell, I don’t even think Beyoncé wakes up like that.
Not only should we be comfortable enough to be bare-skinned in front of our partners, but it’s also super important for our pores and skin to have some time to breathe and absorb some nutrition.
Others have told me that they were previously worried about their hair around their partner, right to the point of quickly drying and styling hair before letting their partner see them – something they admit now is a bit silly, but was a valid concern in the early days of dating.
If anything, it’s made those of us who like a bit of personal landscaping able to do a tweeze & touchup, in literally any light and occasion. Skills for life, mates.
AGE
In asking people about what they’ve hidden from partners, or previous partners, one of the lesser-admitted ones was age. One person told me that they went to such extremes to hide their age from an ex that they would sneakily take their P-plates off their car. Age, much like height, is a weird thing that we as a society are fixated on – potentially out of a fear of being judged based on our age and not our accomplishments.
HABITS
Hands up if you pick your nose. I swear everyone that hasn’t gone for a solo exploration of their nasal cavity is lying to themselves. Sometimes there’s a stubborn booger up there and no tissue will budge it, and you know what? It’s totally okay. We should be normalising habits like pickin’ a winner, because babey everybody does it.
Friends of mine have told me that they’ve hidden habits that they’re not proud of – from pimple picking to nail biting – and talking about them with others, including partners, helps to keep them in check and curb things that are ultimately not great for their wellbeing.
MEDICAL NEEDS
Sharing your medical issues and needs with your partner involves and level of trust, because ultimately you’re going to be showing yourself at your most vulnerable. It’s absolutely understandable if you don’t want to discuss things like your mental health or Irritable Bowel Syndrome with someone you’re trying to woo, but being open and honest about your personal needs is an important thing to do.
A friend told me recently that she used to hide the fact that she needs an asthma puffer from her partner; using toilet breaks and flushing the loo to mask the sound of her inhaler every morning. It might seem a bit silly, but it’s a very real anxiety that she’s come to realise was steeped in shame of her health and needs. She said it was important for her partner to know about it, in case anything bad ever happened.
BEING NUDE
Defining the line between ~sexy nude~ and I-just-had-a-shower-and-cbf-to-get-dressed-yet nude is something that definitely crosses minds when we’re navigating how much we’re ready to let a new partner into our inner circle of nakedness, to see us when we’re not trying to be sexy and instead we’re putting sunscreen on, or trying to get that really awkward spot in the middle of our backs with said sunscreen.
But when you hit that tipping point of being comfortable enough around them to walk around in the nud, well that’s a golden moment.
EMOTIONS
This is a big one. Hiding our emotions from partners can be harmful to the relationship, but it’s also really important that we open up and talk about our emotional wants and needs – even if that is really fucking difficult. Friends have told me that they have hidden crying from partners, or struggled to express what they need in a relationship, which ultimately leads to frustration and a breaking down of trust. Pinpointing what is upsetting you is tough sometimes, but being able to have open conversations with a partner is crucial.
Hopefully talking about things that worry others, or what others have hidden from partners, will encourage you to be more courageous with your loved ones. Remember that letting someone in can be a really scary thing to cross, but when they’re nurturing and supportive, having that extra person to have your back is like lifting a huge weight off your shoulders.
