We’re all insecure about something – we’re only human and it’s perfectly okay to pick out things we don’t like about ourselves. Unfortunately that’s a side effect of being in a very media-saturated world, and as much as we try, there will always be something we want to change about ourselves.
Me? I don’t like my dry skin, my arms, and my wrinkly hands. But I have a friend who absolutely loves how my hands look, and will make a point of complimenting me on them every time we see each other.
What we need to realise is that our ~flaws~ are exactly what make us, us. They’re unique features that are just a small part of ourselves and our identities, and as much as they might look like a glaringly-obvious crappy thing in every photo we see of ourselves, someone out there looks at the same thing and sees a thing that they like.
I recently asked my mates on Facebook what they are insecure about, and what they find attractive or endearing in others. What unfolded in the comments was a very raw and honest thread of insecurities, but also people lifting each other up; supporting each other and affirming that things we don’t like about ourselves, others like about us.
So what do we worry about? Well, where do we start.
STRETCH MARKS
Sorry to break this to you, but stretch marks are a very natural part of the human experience. They signify our bodies changing and developing, and you’d be hard pressed to find someone who has no stretch marks whatsoever.
Stretch marks signify transformation, growth, and even bringing new life into the world.
NOSES
Something that I noticed was that a lot of responses said that they didn’t like their noses – too big, too wonky, too small, too flat. On the flip side, a lot of people love noses and their different shapes.
Your nose is probably the most defining feature on your face, and it’s not surprising that people are attracted to a bold nose, or one with a bunch of character from being broken.
HANDS
Like I said before, I have issues with my hands too. You’re absolutely not alone if you think your hands are too big, or too small. You’re not alone if you don’t like your hands because they’re calloused or weathered.
Interestingly, a lot of the people I spoke to said that they find hands really attractive – calloused and weathered hands signify someone that works a lot with their hands. You can tell a lot about a person by their hands, so there’s good reason why a lot of folks find them interesting and attractive.
BODY HAIR & HAIR IN GENERAL
We’ve been essentially conditioned to believe that body hair = bad. But let me tell you, the tides are turning on the ol’ scruffy muff. A lot of men that are interested in women told me that they enjoy a bit of hair on a woman – it shows that they’re not ashamed of their body hair and how hair naturally grows on the body.
It works the other way as well. A lot of people that are into men expressed that a hairy chest and stomach is really attractive, and one woman admitted that she loves her partner’s hairy bod because it makes for a good pillow. So no matter how you feel about your body hair, whether it’s growing out your pits or a little bit of pubes sticking out from your swimmers – it’s totally okay.
And what if you’ve not got any hair on your head? Well, may I present to you one of the most handsome men ever: Jason Statham.
Case closed.
(Note: Sometimes dark, coarse hair can signify other things happening on the inside of your body. If you’re someone who menstruates, it might be worth being checked out by your GP for Polycystic Ovary Syndrome or Endometriosis.)
TUMMY PONCH/DAD BOD/CURVES
Hoo boy this is a common one. A lot of folks are unhappy with their bodies as a whole. The feeling of taking up too much space or feeling like you’re ‘too big’ is something that almost everyone feels, and it’s pretty much a direct consequence of the ways that the idea of the ‘perfect body’ has be thrust upon us for as long as we can remember. I regularly have troubles with my figure, and as much as there are hard, horrible days, they soon pass.
From the conversations I’ve had with friends recently, softer bodies are a big point of attraction. People who stray away from the ideal body shape that has saturated everything we’ve seen for years are attractive, because they buck the trend.
There’s the whole argument of there being ‘more to love’, which is true as well. But importantly, soft bodies are gentle and kind, and we should be gentle to them too.
TEETH & SMILE
Our smiles are also a sensitive point for a lot of people. Crooked teeth from either not being able to afford braces as a young kid – some people are genuinely ashamed of their teeth because they believe it shows that they were brought up in a lower class family – or forgetting to wear a retainer after having braces removed.
Much like noses, teeth are full of character and charm. There’s a running trend of things that people find attractive about teeth; crooked teeth, gaps between front teeth, dorky smiles, the list goes on.
So please, don’t worry about your chompers. Because someone out there thinks your smile lights up the whole damn room.
AN ICONIC SMILE. LOOK AT IT. SO GOOD.
FRECKLES
Freckles are a point of insecurity for many, which is based in the eternal lust for perfect skin without pigmentation or marks. But you know what? Freckles are cute as hell. I love them, and so do many other people.
Freckles are so bloody adorable that there’s a whole makeup trend where folks that don’t have freckles are painting them on with brow pomade or pencil. You can even get freckles tattooed onto your face with cosmetic tattooing. Freckles are great, and you should never feel ashamed of them.
GREYING HAIR
Ok let’s just stop for a second because I want to straight up say that grey hair, salt & pepper hair, grey streaks is wildly hot. I’m not the only one that thinks this either – the other big thing that people talked about when I asked what they find attractive in others is greying hair.
Now this might be because of a few things like my mates are all in the twenties and thirties, and things like grey hair signifies age and sophistication, but there’s also been a huge trend in the last five years of people actively dying their hair to silvers and greys.
To be honest I’m fuckin’ miffed about this trend because in 2010 I accidentally over-toned my white blonde hair and made it turn grey. Everyone called me “Nanna” until it finally adjusted back, and now it’s fkn cool to have grey hair.
The point is, those silvery strands, patches, and streaks are hot AF and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed about rockin’ them if you want. I understand the fear surrounding greys though – I’m 26 and just found my first grey hair a couple of weeks ago and my first thought was “well, this is it. I guess I’m old now. Time to take out funeral insurance.” which is absolutely NOT TRUE but, yeah. I feel ya.
WRINKLES & SMILE LINES
Wrinkles are something that we will always struggle with, I think. Some people get botox and fillers to try and stop their frown lines, smile lines, and any other creases, which is totally fine and ok – it’s very much alright if that’s what you want to do! But people definitely find wrinkles, especially smile lines and crinkles around the eyes, really beautiful.
Friends and workmates have told me that wrinkles show expression and tend to soften the face a lot. It’s very similar to crooked teeth and calloused hands – wrinkles and smile lines hold a bunch of character and give a face a lot more depth. Smile lines give off the feeling that a person is warm and nurturing, I mean think about all the mums and dads out there that have these creases in their faces – they’re probably all from smiling and laughing from a place of love and adoration.
The most important thing to take out of this, is that no matter what you’re insecure about with your appearance, there is someone out there who thinks it’s the best thing. I encourage you to talk about it – write me a comment of what you’re insecure about and what you find attractive in others. You might find it cathartic to open up about it.
