The rumour mill is positively abuzz after Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet were snapped on what everyone reckons was a double date with rumoured new It-couple Kendall Jenner and Jacob Elordi.
The paparazzi pics were shared by gossip page DeuxMoi, and show the celebs cheekily shielding their faces while behind the wheel during a night out in Los Angeles.
The pics add to persistent rumours that Kendall and Jacob are an item after reports of a “make out” sesh at Coachella last month — and while some are understandably trying to discern whether all the speculation is true, I’m still stuck on what earth this foursome might even talk about on a double date.
The absence of any other deets about this supposed double date leaves curious minds wondering: what is the topic of conversation when two Oscar-nominees and two reality stars collide? What counts as an ice breaker when the career paths swing from adaptations of classic literature to trademarking “rise and shine”?
With so few details to go off, I've taken it upon myself to completely make it up. If you too would love to be a fly on the wall, come with me as I ponder all the totally fictional, 100 per cent imaginary topics of conversation during Kylie, Timmy, Kendall and Jacob’s double date. Dinner is served!
Kendall and Jacob have a horse girl-off
The date begins on some common ground with Kendall and Jacob as the ultimate horse girls. Kendall says she just got a Gucci saddle and Jacob, an Aussie at heart, mentions Saddle Club. They giggle at their shared passion before Timmy pitches a biopic about a famously misunderstood equestrian complete with a bizarre outline for a press tour.
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He strikes Doja Cat from the list of potential soundtrack contributors.
Kendall and Timmy talk groceries
No, not the exorbitant price of groceries (the one similarity is that they’re all rich), but how best to use their chosen produce.
Kendall waxes poetic about the best (read: most nonsensical) way to cut a cucumber, while Timmy says he still fantasises about that peach from Call Me By Your Name.
Either way, they just brainstormed the perfect summer salad, and they vow to bring their mis-chopped cucumbers and jizzed-on peaches to Kris Jenner’s next function.
Kylie mistakes Emerald (Fennell) for a lipstick shade
At some point during the date, Wuthering Heights comes up. Timmy briefly tells Jacob he wants to work with Emerald Fennell before Kylie quips: ‘Wait, Emerald like the matte shade from my latest limited-edition drop? Available now on Kylie Cosmetics?’.
Later, Kylie mistakes “whitewashing” for a patchy beauty blending technique, and says her sister’s diamond earring monologue is Emily Brontë-level prose. She’s not wrong.
They do not discuss the ballet and opera
It’s a touchy subject. Kendall cops a nudge under the table from Kylie the minute she mentions the mask from Phantom Of The Opera, which she considered wearing to next year’s Met Gala (theme pending). She decided against it, because only one sister should desecrate fashion history on the first Monday of May.
Timmy fancies himself a sommelier
Later, when the waiter brings out their wine, Timmy takes a whiff and says: “smells like bathwater, haha.” Jacob goes red-faced while Kendall jokes that she thought Saltburn was just what happened when they overseasoned their summer salad.
Kris Jenner stops by
Well, she doesn’t so much ‘stop by’ as much as she was filming the entire double date with a camcorder from the back of the restaurant. She tells her sweeties how amazing they’re doing, orders a martini, and whips out her kids’ career blueprint titled ‘Devil Works Hard’.
Kylie toasts to “realising things”
The date wraps up with a profound ending toast delivered by Kylie. “I feel like this year is really about, like, the year of just realising stuff,” she muses. “And everyone around me, we’re all just, like, realising things.”
They cheers their bathwater-scented wine glasses.
Lead images: Getty Images
