April Fool’s Day and airline toilets have two things in common: they’re both full of shit and they suck, hard.

But embattled carrier Virgin Australia says it has repurposed the occasion for good, announcing the donation of thousands of rolls of unused toilet paper to those in need during the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic.

Virgin Australia, which was forced to ground all international flights and a huge number of domestic flights last month due to the public health crisis, says its loo roll reserves are going unused.

Given the ongoing rush on toilet paper in supermarkets nationwide and continuing concerns that at-risk Australians are running low, the airline says it will team up with charity partners, including the Salvation Army, to get toilet paper into the hands of those who need it.

The airline usually churns through enough TP to stretch from Sydney to Los Angeles each year, said General Manager of Product and Customer Sarah Adam, meaning there’s currently plenty to go around (As an aside, who is running the numbers on that calculation? The mind boggles).

“We’re thrilled that in true Virgin spirit, we’re going to help the elderly, the vulnerable, medical staff, and our charity partners, by giving them the supply of toilet paper that’s currently locked-up in our grounded aircraft and storage facilities throughout Australia,” she said.

Virgin Australia states tissue product kingpins Kleenex will match the offer, meaning a fair few punters will have some aerospace-grade loo roll in the not-too-distant future.

As the Australian airline industry faces an unprecedented challenge, it appears at least one carrier is finding opportunity in a shithouse situation.

You didn’t hear this from me, but if Virgin Australia does turn around and claim this is all a joke, it is your moral obligation to clog their in-flight toilets when services return to normal.

Image: Supllied