Wash your hands and don’t touch your face” has essentially become the new “Keep calm and carry on” in the past two weeks. You’ve seen it everywhere, heard it from everyone, you know it, you get it and you would sooo never touch your face because ew, right?

However, in reality, old habits die hard. If you are anything like me, you have caught yourself in the act of touching your face, or worse fingers in your mouth for no good reason every fifteen fucking seconds, and you have begun to wonder why you are like this.

Not only is this unhygienic helping spread the coronavirus, but touching your face is the new picking your nose and eating it. Anyone who now catches you mid face touch will give you a highly embarrassing look of disgust that you don’t want. Trust me, I received many from colleagues last week working in the office.

Do Not Touch Your Face is a godsend of a website for folks like us. It will train you to not touch your face. It uses your webcam and will alert you with a big and sudden “NO!” the second your dirty, dirty hand meets your precious head. 

I’ve had the window open in the background while I work today and have although I head more “NO!”s than that time I asked for a raise, I’m proud to report I am hearing it less with each passing hour. This shit works, so hop to it now. 

I turned my comp on silent after a while to listen to new Megan Thee Stallion and received this notification.

This website is determined.

If you are a bit paranoid re privacy, DoNotTouchYourFace.com assures you that your information is not being kept or sent over the internet. They are merely here to help you with your hygiene. What great folks.

I hope this helps you, ya filthy animals.