Stepping foot into a work Christmas party is akin to taking part in a very risky game of Russian Roulette – you never truly know when your time could be up. Will you accidentally sip one too many Proseccos and confess your undying love to Craig from finance? Will you black out and, in the process, confront Gina from the social media sector about stealing your blessed Sakatas? Or perhaps you’ll disassociate for an hour and, when you come to, realise that you’ve been verbal diarrhoea-ing about your childhood traumas to a group of people who a) you’ve never spoken to in the office before and b) blatantly don’t give a fuck about said childhood traumas. Either way, the dreaded possibilities are endless.
Whether you’re in recovery mode from your recent work party, or in the midst of mentally prepping for an upcoming one, please find great pleasure (and reassurance) in the following Twitter users’ woeful 2019 office Christmas party stories. Goddamn, I’m experiencing an evil bout of schadenfreude right now.
Work Christmas party last night. Received a 1am message from a friend of my daughter saying "Just saw you at the tube station. We were watching the drama from our car". As I don't recall there being any drama I'm now concerned that whatever it was it may have involved me.
— john sturgis (@sturgios) December 17, 2019
THE LITERAL STUFF OF NIGHTMARES. JOHN, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?
Every coworker I've interacted with since the holiday party last Friday has opened the conversation with some variation of "there he is" or "how did the rest of your night go?" so that's a good sign I think
— noam (@noampao) December 12, 2019
Everyone who made it to work today after our office holiday party last night is acting like they survived Vietnam. Someone just referred to a co-worker as "brother".
— ???? Benny Katz ???? (@ShaqKatzner) December 13, 2019
— alanabanana. (@Alanascottish) December 17, 2019
Bill is me. I am Bill.
Remember folks, you can only lose the holiday party. You can’t win the holiday party.
— Cristina Cordova (@cjc) December 8, 2019
Thanks for personally attacking us, Cristina. I feel seen.
my office crush bumped into me while I was drinking wine and apologized so I tried to say “no worries” but my mouth was full so I drooled wine on myself how’s everyone else’s holiday season going
— Cherokee McAnelly (@cherokeeclare) December 12, 2019
There is no right way to approach or converse with an office crush, now, tomorrow or ever.
I’m at this casino-themed holiday party for my j*b and I’m just sitting here amazed bc I didn’t realize we had the money for all this
— Donovan (@d0n0vaaaan) December 13, 2019
My boss hates going to office events so much that he told me he was skipping the holiday party tonight because he had to meet his son’s cat.
— Legally Caffeinated (@LCaffeinated) December 13, 2019
To be honest, it sounds like a reasonable excuse to me.
Me holding in my political rant 3 bottles of wine deep at my office party tonight pic.twitter.com/g5z2q8wACc
— Hattie (@HattieJoness) December 13, 2019
This one goes out to all the blessed freelancers of the nation:
One of the many great things about being a freelancer is that I don't have to go to a work Christmas party. I can just as well get drunk on my own, have a massive argument with myself, and photocopy my own arse.
— Julie Bindel (@bindelj) December 13, 2019
In conclusion, may we finish on the age-old question:
Why do I black out at work Christmas parties
— TΔΠΠΣR (@Tanner_brunson) December 16, 2019