Oh boy. And you were so excited too. Your mum! She was so proud. But you’ve been sitting behind that desk for a week, two weeks, and you know it’s not right.
Whether the pass-ag tension makes every you quadruple-check every single email, the role is more mundane than the interview let on or you’re having an existential crisis over the moral agony of working for The Man, you’re itching to leave.
Short of asking Gretel Killeen to turn up and announce that it’s your time to go, you’re going to need to think it over. Burning bridges is always a bad idea, especially if your industry is small: you probably won’t end up back at that company, but you’ll probably see the same faces again.
First up, you really have to be sure. Physically write a pros and cons list, see if you can confidently explain it to your friends or parents without constantly flip-flopping or making excuses.
And if you do decide to stick it out, you’re going to have to address the issues. What can you do to be happier? Set yourself a deadline: if things don’t improve by X, leave. Don’t compromise either.
SO YOU’VE DECIDED TO BUGGER OFF
I hate to say it, but you should really resign in person. Email is cold at the best of times, and a couple of weeks into a new job is not a best-of-time.
Before you do it, don’t drop hints to colleagues. You’re new! You don’t know who talks to who or what the gossip culture is like. As we’ve learnt from too many teen movies, it will come back to bite ya.
When you ‘pop-in’ for a chat/meeting/catch-up thing, keep it simple. Explain that you’ve given it a lot of thought, but have decided you don’t think it’s a great fit. You’re gonna get pressed, but don’t budge: don’t starting listing reasons.
Don’t say that your desk-mate’s casual racism isn’t acceptable, you’re bored out of your mind and you slowly feel like you’re crumbling into yourself each waking moment you’re working, that your very essence is eroding away into a formless shape of a person ala Ed Sheeran’s ‘Shape Of You‘, which is a bloody stupid sentiment for a love song if you think about it.
Just say you think it’s best for everyone that you move onto something else. Keep it classy.
Have a letter of resignation ready to go, too; you can email it through later that day. Brief and sass-free is best – essentially just repeat what you said in the meeting. Obviously you know how much notice you can give, but the minimum two weeks is sweetest.
Now it’s done, try and not clock out completely in the time remaining. Do your job, get it done, be free.
OR, if you don’t care about any of these people or the industry at all, burn it down. Have the beautiful profanity-laden exit we all wish we could’ve done. Reckless units, you’re a hero to many, and a future legend of many static lunch office conversations to come.
Photo Credit: Enlightened/HBO
