G’day friends, and welcome to some of the hottest days we’ve ever had in Australia. It’s the perfect time to head down to the beach, bring out the old inflatable pool or just pull out an entire packet of Zooper Doopers from the freezer and eat nothing but ice all day.

Deep down we all know which Zooper Dooper flavour is king, and we die a little bit inside when there’s none of it left in the pack. However, I’m not here to tell you that all flavours are equal and your fave is truly unique in what it brings to the table.

Nay, I’m here to rank those bad boys. Only one flavour can reign supreme and I’ll be damned if it’s the hellspawn that is Bubblegum.

An Unofficial But Very Correct Ranking of Zooper Dooper Flavours

8. Bubblegum

You couldn’t waterboard me into saying this flavour is good. If tacky was a taste, this would be it.

Sure, it’s sugary sweet and has that artificial bubblegum taste on LOCK, but something about it doesn’t quite hit right.

Also, I firmly believe that a Bubblegum Zooper Dooper doesn’t feel as refreshing as the others. It’s the lack of (artificial) fruit.

Eating one of these literally feels like chewing 5 Gum in the summertime. Who does that? Nobody, that’s who.

7. Pineapple

Pineapple is the disappointment of the Zooper Dooper family.

It never tastes enough like pineapple to redeem itself. In fact, it doesn’t even do a good job at tasting fake. It’s a failure all around.

If you like pretending that things are pineapples while licking on sickly-sweet ice, be my guest, but some of us have class and decorum.

6. Raspberry

Forgettable.

5. Blackcurrant

Doesn’t get enough love to be honest. Quite often Blackcurrant flavours fail to give what they need to, but when it comes to Zooper Doopers, their Blackcurrant is quite enjoyable.

(Dear reader: This high rating may have been influenced by seeing this pic of a hot cyclist sucking on one of these bad boys. I’m a hole first, Zooper Dooper expert second).

4. Cola

Remember getting a cold glass of watered-down Coke as a kid? That shit absolutely slapped. There’s something about having a Cola Zooper Dooper that brings back those memories, because Cola truly tastes just like that.

By no means the best flavour but a respectable choice. A little overrated to be honest.

3. Fairy Floss

The sweetest, most insanely sugary flavour out of all the options. And yet, it’s so fkn good. Haters of this flavour just hate fun.

Fairy Floss is the epitome of all joy in this world. Who needs a fruity flavour when you can suck on a floss-flavoured rectangle of ice? It’s human ingenuity at work. The mind of the homosapien expanding to its fullest.

2. Lime

Reliable. Strong. Sturdy. Lime can do no wrong, and will do no wrong. It boasts a simple yet sweet amount of flavour, while also feeling ultra refreshing.

It’s the correct choice for someone wanted a sweet Zooper Dooper without trading off fruity goodness. Love this little guy.

Honourary mention

Okay, I have to shout out Lemonade for a moment here. Sure it isn’t part of the 8 classics in a standard pack of Zooper Doopers, but it exists, and it’s fkn great.

Honestly one of my fave flavours of Zooper Dooper, but its also not that easy to come by, so I’m leaving it off the official ranking.

1. Orange

You know I’m right, deep down. Perhaps there’s just a part of you that hasn’t opened up to the glorious flavour of Orange. Your soul is shut to the truth, your third eye blind.

Orange is perfect at being subtly sweet, fruity and refreshing. You can have like three of these baddies and still come back for more. The ultimate all-rounder, and I applaud it for all it does.

Image: Instagram / @cattleyau & @emily.rose.pearce