The gourd formally known as Doug The Spud has had the title of “world’s largest potato” cruelly snatched away from it. Thanks Guinness World Records.

Doug was first discovered by New Zealand couple Colin and Donna Craig-Brown in 2021. They warmly welcomed the big ugly boy into their family.

Colin hit Doug with a hoe when he was gardening. A cruel entrance into the world if there ever was one.

He weighed just under eight kilograms, a bouncing baby potato boy.

Colin and Donna dubbed him “Doug” which they then began spelling “Dug”. Fucking hilarious, I’ll give it to ’em.

Tragically Guinness World Records have now claimed that Doug/Dug is in fact a gourd tuber. I know, I know. A modern tragedy.

“Dear Colin, sadly the specimen is not a potato and is in fact the tuber of a type of gourd,” Guinness World Records wrote in an email, as per the ABC.

“For this reason we do unfortunately have to disqualify the application.”

Colin said that Dug both looks and tastes like a potato. In fairness though he did admit he’d never tried a gourd tuber.

Easy mistake to make, kind of upsetting to hear he’s eaten a bit of his spud son.

“What can you say?” Colin told the Associated Press.

“We can’t say ‘we don’t believe you’, because we gave them the DNA stuff.”

My kindest regards to the scientists investigating the “DNA stuff” of the world’s largest alleged potato.

Colin also confirmed that Dug is alive and well. He lives in the Craig-Brown’s freezer.

“I say ‘G’day’ to him every time I pull out some sausages. He’s a cool character,” he said.

“Whenever the grandchildren come round, they say, ‘Can we see Dug?’”

A reasonable request. I too would like to see Dug the giant gourd tuber.

Dug’s potato dreams may have been boiled, covered in rosemary and roasted for an hour at 218 degrees. It happens to be the best of us.

But he will always live on in our hearts as a gourd tuber with the spirit — if not the biological makeup — of a beautiful eight kilo potato.

Image: AP / Colin Craig-Brown