Here’s What Ur Choice Of Beer Says About You Bc We All Need Some Alcohol Astrology In Our Lives

Did you know that beer is one of the oldest drinks in the world? Some anthropologists even believe that beer was the reason we moved away from hunter-gatherer societies and towards agriculture-focused communities. We had to produce enough grain to create that sweet, golden liquid, baby. 

Our ancestors, probably.

Thanks to our long history with the hoppy brew, what you choose to drink on a night out can say a lot. So, as the amateur anthropologists that we are, we’ve compiled a peer-reviewed (read: colleague-collated) list on what each beer says about you. 

IPA

Ah, the Indian Pale Ale. IPA drinkers have Many Opinions about different IPAs that are just variants of the phrase ‘This beer tastes like beer’. It’s also the beer that you drank in the first week of University before making it your WHOLE personality for a good year. Either that, or you live on the coast and sink tinnies of this every Sunday arvo at the local drinking hole. 

Fruity Beer

Dan Murphy’s has just launched its new Fruity Beer sub-category and if you pick up a four-pack then, clearly you’re the fun friend. You don’t care what other people think. They can drink their bitter brew all night but you’re down with the trends. You know what’s (literally) new on the scene, what actually tastes light and refreshing, and you’re most likely the youngest in your friendship group. Slay.

What’re you lookin’ at???

Craft Brew

You love supporting local and buying from artisanal farmer’s markets. You have dreams of giving up the city life and moving to a cottage on the outskirts of Tasmania. The phrase, ‘I listened to them before they got big’ is in your everyday vocabulary.

Stout

Stout drinkers lecture you on marxism on a buck’s night and exclusively wear turtlenecks. Yes, even in summer. When you offer them a new type of brew they say ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. 

Lager

Lager was the first beer you tried in the back of your older brother’s friend’s car and now you’re stuck with it for life. You could also potentially be an old man or a freshly 18-year-old private school boy who wants to cosplay as the working class. Either or.


As always, drink responsibly, folks.

More Stuff From PEDESTRIAN.TV