There’s not much that brings me more simultaneous joy and second-hand pain than failed cakes. Nailed It basically sent me into a spiral of panic and laughter every time I tried to watch it, and this utter bomb of a recreated wedding cake is almost too much for me to handle.

A bride’s friend has taken to Facebook (naturally, where all food-related vents live now) to share a massive PSA about a local cake-maker in the US who presented them with a monstrosity of a wedding cake the night before the big day.

The cakemaker was initially contacted to recreate an elaborate peacock cake, which had its tail cascading down multiple tiers and fan out into individual cupcakes – sound stunning, right? Should look a little something like this:

Love it! A beautiful way to share dessert while also celebrating your deep love of squawking birds that scream in the night.

The cakemaker quoted the bride and her friend $450AUD, considering there were some slight changes to the cake (two tiers, a second bird added) and everyone was in agreement.

But, as described in the FB post made by the furious friend on behalf of the inconsolable bride, the cake showed up looking like a teenager’s first attempt in Food Tech class.

Seriously, look at this fucken thing.

wedding cake fail
HOO BOY. (Image: Annette David Hill/Facebook)

And if you thought that the peacock was bad, check out the other bird. I don’t even know what this one is meant to be but it looks crook.

wedding cake fail
WHAT IS THAT?? (Image: Annette David Hill/Facebook)

According to the FB post, the cakemaker dropped off the wedding cake in a couple of boxes and basically ran away, which I mean I 100% would too if I had made this cursed cake inside the cursed ovens of the hellmouth. I wouldn’t want to hang around to see them open up this fucked-up dark timeline wedding cake that collapsed in on itself almost immediately.

Oh, and the head fell off one of the birds. Three times. (!!!)

Even though they weren’t documented in this mess taken straight from the kitchen in Hades, the cupcakes were apparently “okay” which is a bloody big reach from whatever the hell that thing is in the other box.

wedding cake fail
Legit me, at all of this.

My words cannot do this huge FB rant justice, so please just take like ten minutes out of your day and pour through this post – it’s so incredible and you can’t help but want to laugh and also cry.

You know what? If this happened to me, I’d just go out to Woolies, buy a bunch of mud boys and put one on every table, and then take this hellspawn wedding cake and put it on its own table for everyone to laugh at and then destroy. The only acceptable thing to do is banish it straight back from whence it came.

Image: Facebook / Annette David Hill