It’s Friday night. You’re feeling a bit spicy. Maybe you want to treat yourself to a fine meal and the perfect accompanying beverage. This sounds delightful to me. What a wonderful way to end a strenuous working week, my friend.
May I humbly suggest taking a trip to the mixed drinks aisle of your local alcohol merchant and picking up a six-pack of UDLs?
Not just any UDLs. The specific one as outlined below to correspond to your meal of choice. I cannot stress this enough – do not go rogue here. I am absolutely (no) trained (seriously no) as a food/beverage connoisseur and what I say is final.
1. Lemon, Lime & Soda
Pair With: A fresh white fish, grilled in the oven with a side of green vegetables sauteed in olive oil and chilli.
The tangy sweetness of the lemon/lime/soda UDL requires a light meal that simply sings of summer. What is more summery than grilled fish? Nothing is shut up let me have this.
Anyway!! You’ll love this delectable pairing. If you don’t, again – shut up.
Pair With: Spaghetti Ragu that’s been simmering for hours.
This is the closest UDL to red wine, and I’m aware that’s a stretch but here we are. Red wine always – ALWAYS – goes with spag bol, except we don’t call it spag bol because we are MATURE FINE DINING ENTHUSIASTS and will only refer to it as ragu.
Pair With: Lemon & garlic roasted chicken with thrice-cooked chat potatoes.
Passionfruit is a weird flavour and also, I’ve never ever consumed this UDL but I assume it tastes like Pasito, the Lord Of Beverages. If so, it’s fucking sweet as shit and probably goes with nothing. So I’ll pair it with chicken and potatoes, the two most unassuming flavours of the dining world.
Pair With: Duck A L’Orange.
I mean it’s orange flavoured. Duck A L’Orange is orange flavoured. I don’t know what you want from me here.
Pair With: Beef brisket.
This UDL is gross and I won’t hear otherwise, but if you MUST drink it, at least drink it while eating American BBQ ok?
Pair With: Crispy pork belly and mashed sweet potato.
Pineapple = overly sugary apple, so naturally it goes well with pork. Because if there’s one thing I know it’s that you eat pork with apple-related things. I’ve heard.
7. Green Apple
Oh for FUCK’S SAKE, THERE’S A FUCKING APPLE FLAVOUR? Now what are we meant to do. Just burn this one, let’s pretend it never existed. I refuse to acknowledge it, the end.
ANYWAY! I’m off to crack open a cold one. And by that I mean a Pasito.