There is something truly sacred about the humble Tim Tam. From childhood we are taught to revere its chocolate-coated presence, only spotting them on the table when guests are over or when it’s your birthday.
And now, as an adult you’re able to indulge whenever you feel like it. Whenever the urge strikes. So basically, all the time.
But are you executing the consumption of the iconic Tim Tam in the manner which befits its station? Are you slamming it as only a Tim Tam can be slammed? Because if you’re not, we need to have words.
You may have heard whispers of a method so daring, so delicious and so bold that only the bravest among us have tried. Well we’re here to say that all Tim Tam eaters from all walks of life should give it a red hot crack.
Because the Tim Tam Slam is the most superior way to consume a Tim Tam, and we will simply not budge on this. How do you Slam, you may ask? Oh you precious little bean, we’re here to educate you.
It’s simple: take a Tim Tam and bite a corner off on each end (diagonally opposite to each other). Then, using the Tim Tam as a straw, dunk it into your beverage of choice and slurp it right on up before slamming the remainder of the Tim Tam down your gullet.
And if you’re a visual learner, we’ve gathered a buncha ‘grams from some talented humans you may recognise. So unless you have defunct tastebuds that sit languidly in your mouth without much to do, just follow suit.
Georgia Love and Lee Elliot
Look at ’em go. The technique. The finesse. The tenacity. These are true Tim Tam Slammers if ever my eyes have alighted upon one. Sure their competitive ways mean they aren’t truly savouring the Tim Tam to the full extent, but you can’t deny the raw power behind their achievement. Love, Elliott. We’re impressed.
Dave ‘Hughesy’ Hughes
Hughesy is nothing if not animated at all times, forever, until the very apocalypse itself comes to wipe us all away. So obviously his bold attempt at a slam is executed in a similar fashion. Behold, as he chows down the remainder of the Tim Tam post-slurp, with liquid flying all over in a spectacular display of reckless abandon. A true icon of enthusiasm.
Laura Byrne and Matty J
Let it be said that Laura Byrne knows what’s up. A hot tip indeed, you’ll get the best results for your Tim Tam Slam by indulging in a hot bevvy. Why? Because the melty chocolatey goodness simply makes it all the more delectable. Though we express our deepest sympathies that Matty J rudely stole the last crumbly bites from her very hand.
She’s an icon, the humble Tim Tam is an icon. The Tim Tam Slam, as executed by Rebel Wilson? Hoo boy, it’s a wonder of wonders, friends. She also raises a valid and important point: by sucking up your hot beverage through the Tim Tam, you’re effectively rendering its innards a gooey mess of molten chocolate, ready to ooze into your mouth. Lovely.
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Ah, 2010. A simpler time. A time of uncomplicated pleasures. Pleasures like watching a 90s scream queen demonstrate an impeccable Tim Tam Slam on national television, educating a naive young Rove in the process. Jennifer Love Hewitt is the hero we didn’t ask for, but now know just how much we truly needed. Thank you, Jennifer.
Alex Hayes, man of mystery. Did he execute the Slam? Did he merely sit there looking pretty? We will never know, but he advocates for the Slam with his shirt off and really that’s enough to count him as one of the good ones. Please Alex, continue to slam your Tim Tams. You’ll love it, promise.
So, biscuit enthusiasts. We beseech you. Try the Slam. Live the Slam. Be the Slam.Image: Instagram / @alexhayess