There should be a long German or French word for when you’re freaking out about how to act in a nice restaurant. Like entréedeur, where “intruder” meets “entrée“, or something. Even if there isn’t, you know the feeling right? When you’re sitting there thinking, “Do I use the cutlery set on the outside or the inside first?” while trying to make polite, responsible conversation. 

I bring this up because while watching Real Housewives of Sydney, I learnt the rich do. not. give. a. shit. 

Signalling for the bill like.

Sure, they’re obviously filming – but check out the responses in the background of any dining out scenes in the show and you know those people in the background are not extras. 

So I wanted to know, am I overthinking it? As a paying customer, do I have a right to do whatever I want? So I went to see if these actions could fly across the Sydney restaurants they visited, c-bomb and all. Most high-end restaurants advertise what sort of functions they regularly hold, so I went and checked ahead at some of the more memorable locations. 

Can I talk shit at Coogee Pavilion ala Episode 1?


“hehehehehehehe”

In the first episode, we see Krissy and Victoria talk trash about Athena X at Coogee Pavilion, the renovated Merivale pub overlooking the water. Ordering a round of Skinny Bitches feels very on brand here, and there’s no real drama – no thrown drinks, no yelling – so I think we’re good to go. Since this is where the “Athena is Jatz Crackers” thing is introduced, I do think they missed the boat on some cross-promotional material with Sydney restaurant Acme, where they serve up Jatz on the menu. RHOS, let me work on your #spon!

Can I throw my enemies’ cape at Cruise Bar ala Episode 1?

Athena has brought fashion this season and removed the tags because she OWNS it, imo.

Overlooking Sydney Harbour, Cruise Bar was the stage for RHOS first high-drama: when Victoria threw Athena X’sfucking cape” in the dark waters, a moment of pure spite that would make Lucille Bluth proud. I went to call, but the bar has a very handy article called “10 things you didn’t know you could do at Cruise Bar Sydney!” Reading between the lines a little, I think “8. Embark on an unexpected journey…” and “7. Your magical moments in a memorable setting” mean yes, let the night take you wherever you want. 

Can I have an all-white party at Ormeggio At The Spit, ala Episode 2?


So much for the silent majority.

I mean, Mosman pretty much is an all-white party, so this one seems like an obvious yes. But since Ormeggio is one of Australia’s top Italian restaurants, you might want to be careful with pasta stains. Maybe that’s why Lisa arrived in all black and she was too embarrassed to admit it so made some white power comment to detract attention? Something was up there: felt a bit on the nose for someone married to the co-founder of One Nation.

As a silver service sort of place, Ormeggio is more of an ‘inside voice’ venue, so I might hesitate on screaming and calling someone a “fake bitch“.  Same with ordering a Skinny Bitch, but I have also never had a Wet Pussy because I am scared of saying bad words to strangers.

Can I dance on the table at 1821, ala Episode 3?


Have we noticed Athena seems to behind most of these?

Located in Sydney’s CBD, Restaurant 1821 opened last year to positive reviews: Good Food noted chef David Tsirekas’s ability to play with Greek classics like baklava and taramasalata, but fails to mention the stance on table dancing. However, the restaurant recently posted to Facebook that you can “experience a slice of Greek history at 1821“, and honestly, Anthena X’s Greek Birthday Party felt very historic for the Austo-Greek community. I think we’re fine.

Can I completely obliterate my uptight friend at Hill Eatery ala Episode 5?


Where were you when Athena destroyed Nicola by calling her “Captain Eyebrows”, an clap-back so loud that Sydney’s Wedding Cake Rock grew closer to crumbling completely, throwing Instagrammers into the vicious waves below. Such is the power of Athena X. Anyway, this went down at The Hill Eatery, a café in Bondi that recently closed. So no, you can’t do this, sorry,

 

There was also apparently a pool party scene at the Ivy, but I can’t for the life of me remember it or what happened. But I’m feeling confident in saying the RHOS wouldn’t have done anything the notorious venue hasn’t seen before.

One warning before you go forth and make drama – you won’t have Foxtel to foot the bills, financial, emotional and maybe even legal, so um, maybe keep to throwing shade.

Photo: The Real Housewives Of Sydney.