Snap the stalks off your broccoli if you dare because there are reports an Australian supermarket is checking customers’ bags to ensure they’re not decapitating the gorgeous green vegetable. That’s right: the grocery narcs are out in full force and they will not rest until the broccoli bandits stop.

ICYMI, Melbourne woman Jenn Shaw (AKA @jenn_shaw_) uploaded a video to TikTok showing the aftermath of a broccoli massacre at Coles. Because food prices are so borked at the moment, customers are breaking the light, delightful heads (florets) off bunches of broccoli to avoid paying for the big, heavy butts (stems).

And at $11.90 per kilo, can you really blame them?

@jenn_shaw_

food prices in #Australia#foodwaste #foodprices #kitchenhacks

♬ Taste It – Ikson

According to a certain, unnamed supermarket, yes, it is entirely possible to blame the customer. This store has had it up to the pussy’s bow and has taken it upon itself to police broccoli purchases with a passive-aggressive, laminated sign.

The sign, which was shared on Twitter by radio show 3AW Breakfast read: “ATT CUSTOMERS. YOU MUST NOT BREAK THE STEMS OF THE BROCCOLI.”

All caps and an underline? Someone is mad. They are working Microsoft Word to its full potential.

“THIS IS CLASSED AS THEFT. ALL BROCCOLI PURCHASES WILL BE CHECKED AT THE REGISTERS. THANKS MANAGEMENT.”

Look, first things first: what has this store’s management seen to make them so aggrieved? At what point was it one stalk too many? Because no one drops a passive aggressive full-stop like that willy nilly. This management team has reached the end of its tether.

How does one even check broccoli purchases? What will they do if they find a broccoli floret without its stalk in a bag — make the customer hold up the queue and go back to the vegetable aisle to retrieve it? Report them to the local mums group to let them know an adult is playing with their food? Force feed the customer the entire broccoli, à la Michael Scott shoving the vegetable down Kevin Malone’s throat in The Office?

Justice for the broccoli bandits. If they want to snap off a stem or two to save a buck, let them.

Source: World of Wonder / RuPaul's Drag Race