The official Snickers Twitter account was forced to step after a NSFW rumour the company removed the ‘dick vein’ from its choccie bars went batshit viral.
The Snickers account tweeted “Good news, contrary to what’s trending on Twitter… THE VEINS REMAIN!”
Thank GOD. We were all worried SICK wondering if we’d have to live without phallic veins in our chocolate bars. I couldn’t bear the thought. Nature is healing.
Good news, contrary to what's trending on Twitter… THE VEINS REMAIN! pic.twitter.com/pzfkoYqvyD— SNICKERS (@SNICKERS) April 19, 2022
The response was prompted after the Twitter account @Juniper posted a HEAVILY edited article which suggested Snickers had cut off circulation to its dick veined choccies.
The edited headline read “Snickers are officially caving and removing the world renowned dick vein from the candy bar”.
no fucking way pic.twitter.com/PNKkhaBd4f— transgender marx (@JUNlPER) April 16, 2022
In reality, the original article was published in TimeOut and read “Snickers are officially New York’s favorite candy”. A far cry from the edited header.
The hilarious Juniper account then doubled down by posting a photo of a Snickers bar that appeared to be dick vein-less. The horror!
“Society is quickly losing so much culture to cancel culture,” the Tweet said.
It continued “i just bought a snickers (my favorite treat might i add) and it came out completely smooth. i am disgusted. i am shocked. i need to be alone right now (sic)”.
it’s already beginning. i just bought a snickers (my favorite treat might i add) and it came out completely smooth. i am disgusted. i am shocked. i need to be alone right now pic.twitter.com/snOaZbRxFG— transgender marx (@JUNlPER) April 16, 2022
The tweet did the rounds online copping nearly a quarter of a million “likes”.
In doing so, it fooled thousands of people into thinking the “woke mob” had infiltrated chocolate bar manufacturing.
I believed this for an embarrassing amount of minutes 🤣— Masles Roy (@MaslesRoy) April 17, 2022
I'm sure many will say who cares. But texture is very important to many. I'm sure this will change since its making it smooth and for what? Let's just cancel everything.— Stevenring (@StevenRain85) April 17, 2022
This was really a thing? Like who is even thinking like that when you open up a snickers 😭😭— ♕ 𝘲ꪊꫀꫀꪀ ꪶꫀᠻ𝓽 ☥ (@missqueenleft) April 17, 2022
un f*cking real the world is capitulating to this bullshit— HONG KONG HODL 2 (@steeltrack52) April 17, 2022
either corporate asestics have gone too far or they are shaving off a bit of chocolate for better margins— Robby Parrino 🏳️🌈 (@ParrinoRobert) April 16, 2022
And then there was this god-tier comment from someone who actually got the joke.
what's next, are they gonna remove the cum from creme eggs?— rat liker (@rat_liker) April 16, 2022
Folks on Reddit then joined in the meme pile-on posting this (fake) image hypothesising what US shock jock Tucker Carlson would have to say about the sitch.
Tucker spent most of January ripping on M&Ms for making their green M&M “less sexy”. As if that was somehow the point…
The entire replies section of the original tweet is an absolute gold mine of comedy so do yourself a favour and suss it out.
In the meantime, enjoy a throbbing Snickers bar in the sun today!